Passionate Awakening
by Lovliest0429
Summary: Haley James thought she had everything figured out...that is until her first love, Nathan Scott, comes back to the city not only for business, but also to be the best man in her brothers wedding.
1. Chapter 1

Passionate Awakening

Chapter One

_de·sire__ - to want something very strongly_

**~Encarta World English Dictionary**

_**S**__he had been pacing outside his hotel room for about twenty minutes when she finally gained enough courage to knock. She didn't know what came over her, but everything in her body was yearning for his touch, screaming with desire. Perhaps it was the alcohol she had consumed earlier that evening, or maybe just maybe if she was honest with herself, she wanted this, she wanted him._

_Less than a minute later, he opened the door, shirtless, his perfect chiseled abs sending chills up and down her spine. She swallowed hard as her heart began to beat fast and butterflies filled her uneasy stomach. _

_Her teeth firmly bit down on her bottom lip. She was shuffling from one leg to the other, afraid that he had changed his mind, afraid that he didn't want her anymore. Maybe he was playing a game to see how far he could take their habitual flirtatious habits. Maybe he didn't mean what he said earlier that evening. _

_A smug smirk graced his perfect lips at how nervous she looked. Their eyes locked, his lustful ocean blue orbs staring intensely into her innocent hazel ones. He stepped back and extended the door, however she didn't move. He took a few steps toward her, leaned down, and placed a soft chaste kiss on her forehead. She closed her eyes to the comforting feel of his touch. _

_He gently took her hand, leading her further into his room as he kicked the door shut with his foot. As she heard the door close, she was unquestionably torn again, unable to comprehend what she was preordained to do. _

_However, __something in his confident gaze made her believe she needed him. She needed to give into the lust that had always been there between them. The realization of how real this moment was nearly took her breath away._

_As she looked into his eyes, she could appreciate the sincerity, candor, and desire, the guarantee that he would put her at ease. _

_He stared at her attentively, in disbelief that this was truly happening…with her, the one girl that perpetually consumed his thoughts. There was something about her that made him feel safe, made him feel as if he needed her in every way possible. She was beautiful. She was original. She was unique. She was breathtaking. She was stunning. She was innocent. And with certainty he knew she would always be his…without a doubt._

_She reached up and touched his cheek. He closed his eyes to the feel of her touch, she was simply angelic, every move she made. Everything she did. She held so much power in the palm of her hand, and she didn't even know it. Her brother would probably kill him if he knew what went on between them, but tonight, he didn't care. Tonight was about them. _

_She stepped a little closer, standing on her tip toes. She pressed her lips gently to his, as her inner battle suddenly faded away. She wanted him. He wanted her. Nothing else mattered… _

_She took a few steps back as she slowly unrestricted the buttons of her blouse, allowing the fabric to drop to the floor. His eyes passionately moved up and down her body. She kicked off her sandals, removed her skirt and unhooked her bra, leaving her naked except for her underwear. _

_Her new found confidence astounded him and aroused him even more. He inhaled sharply as he took in the curves of her body. Her silky tanned skin looked miraculous to the touch. He had to have her now. _

_He stepped closer, as she ran her hands over his hard, lean muscles. He let out a low moan….just her touch could send him over the edge..._

_She couldn't believe how toned he was, his stomach rigid and ripped. One glance at his crotch was enough to tell her he was definitely aroused. The thought made her tremble with eagerness. _

_They locked eyes once more and suddenly, they comprehended: This wasn't about everyone else; it was about this moment, it was about right now. _

_He cupped her face as he kissed his way from her neck to her breasts. The feel of his tongue traveling over every inch of her skin, made her tingle with pleasure. He moved her back as one hand guided her and the other moved the covers back, he lowered her to the bed, coming down on top of her. His fingers tangled in her white cotton underwear as he literally ripped them from her body. She shivered under his touch; felt herself moisten as she anticipated the feel of his body inside hers…for the first time, her first time. _

_She reached for his fly and unzipped it, shoving his khaki shorts and boxers off. His full erection brushed against her inner thigh. She blushed at the sight of this, boy was he endowed…she was definitely impressed—and definitely… scared._

_He placed his hand under her chin as she finally met his gaze. His hand lightly trailed down her lips, down the middle of her breasts, down her smooth stomach, to her wetness where he felt just how much she wanted him; his eyes never leaving hers. He wanted her to feel safe, just how she made him feel._

_He felt himself aching to be inside her. She pulled him down for a soft kiss. He positioned himself at her moist entrance then thrust into her. She was rather tight, making it more of an effort to move within her. She winced in pain, trying to relax, yet couldn't help but be tense. He slowly yet surely began filling himself inside her trying his best to be gentle, not to cause her too much pain, even though he knew it was inevitable. _

_He little by little moved in and out of her until he was deep enough to have fully taken her purity. She continued to cry in pain, yet urged him on with frantic pleas. He passionately kissed her as she moaned deeply into his mouth, the pain transformed into a warm sensation that rippled through her body._

_She ran her hands over his broad muscular back, feeling him swell and throb inside her. She could feel the pleasure building up inside her fast. She could feel him hitting her in all the right places. How was that possible? This was her first time and every 'first time' story she had from her female friends never ended in, 'it was pleasurable for me.' He was good at everything he did, that was absolutely clear. She couldn't help moaning out his name breathlessly. _

_The sound of his name falling from her lips in a moment like this was merely as wonderful as he imagined. He knew he wouldn't be able to last much longer, and could tell that she was close as well. _

_She firmly gripped his broad shoulders, needing to grasp onto something as the satisfaction overcame her, her body pulsating as her orgasm shook right through her._

_He felt her walls constrict around his member and that signaled his own orgasm to erupt as she milked him dry. She rested with him still inside her. She wasn't prepared to let him go just yet. She started to breathe deeply as her heart rate had finally come down._

_He finally pulled out of her and drew her body close to his, as she snuggled in his embrace. He kissed the top of her head and they fell asleep in each other's arms. She felt completely at peace and knew that whatever happened, she'd always be glad she had this one night with the one boy that would most likely always consume her thoughts. The boy that was always unattainable. The boy that stole her heart..._

**Three and half years later… **

Clayton James knocked on the russet door to his best friend's luxurious hotel suite. He hadn't seen Nathan in nearly a year due to their separate business ventures and private lives keeping them busy, but since he was in town for the week Clay knew it was the best time to tell him the great news.

He stepped back loosening his black tie. The door suddenly swung open and an angry blonde in a revealing tight red dress stormed past him clutching her purse and shoes firmly to her chest. "Fuck you Nathan! Don't even think about calling me!" She screamed before making her way down the hall.

Clay shook his head as he stepped inside the large luxurious suite to see Nathan sitting on the couch watching ESPN as if that little scene didn't faze him one bit. He turned his head as that famous smirk graced his perfect lips. "Well, well, well, if isn't Clayton James." He stood up making his way over to his best friend of twenty six years.

"Nathan Scott, still breaking hearts I see." Clay smiled giving Nathan a manly hug and hand shake. "What the hell was that all about?" He nodded towards the door.

"Oh, she didn't understand that it was just sex…she got all dramatic, started whining and shit, so I offered her 500 dollars to get the fuck out my room…" He stated nonchalantly as he walked over to the bar and poured himself a Scotch, "Drink?"

"Nah, I'm good man. Listen…" Clay stated wanting to get straight to the point, "I came over here to tell you the good news." He smiled.

"Don't tell me you knocked up Brooke again."

Clay had been in a committed relationship with Brooke Davis for nearly seven years. He was the bad boy, she was the consummate good girl, who had a wild side, and didn't take crap from anyone.

They met in college, her freshman year at NYU and his junior year. She had been wondering aimlessly around campus trying to find her first class, when she suddenly caught the eye of the most desired guy on campus, Clayton James: The biggest player/ jerk/ well-known party animal, and star forward of the basketball team.

At first Brooke couldn't stand him, he was far too cocky and annoyingly smug for her taste. However, she couldn't deny his annoyingly good looks and charm. She turned him down for months before finally agreeing to go on a date. At first Clay just saw her as a conquest, but as time went by, he truly fell for the dimpled brunette who caught him off guard, by capturing his heart. She called him out on his bluff. She didn't take disrespect, and she had no problem holding out sex if he acted in a way that pissed her off.

In the beginning, their relationship was far from easy; Clay was known to have a bad temper, he had too much pride at times, he was known to party hard, he drank excessively, he flirted non-stop, and basketball and friends _always _came first.

He constantly felt the need to be the alpha male, meaning he engaged in many fights, which angered Brooke and finally caused her to break up with him five months into their relationship. Two weeks later, Clay came crawling back; of course she made him work for it, and slowly but surely he changed his boyish ways.

Brooke ended up pregnant during her sophomore year, and after a week of confusion, she decided to keep the baby. Their parents helped them out while they both stayed in school. Once Clay graduated he worked his way up and became the CEO of his father's Investment Management Company. He proposed to Brooke many times throughout their relationship, but to his bewilderment, she always turned him down, saying 'it wasn't the right time' and 'she didn't want him to marry her just because she was the mother of his child.' She didn't want him to feel obligated to be with her. She wanted him to want to be with her for all the right reasons. And for that reason alone, she made him wait. She needed to see him mature. She needed to see in his eyes that he was truly ready to be a husband.

"Actually, we're getting married." Clay stated happily.

Nathan chocked on his drink and cleared his throat, "Wow, so she finally accepted after all this time."

"Yea I guess so…"

"You're so whipped dude." Nathan chuckled. "Congrats man." Nathan said lifting up his drink.

"Thanks Nate, I uh, I also wanted to ask if you'd be my best man?"

Most friends would be thrilled by the idea of being asked to be the best man or maid of honor, but not Nathan Scott. He wasn't the marrying type, he didn't believe in marriage, in fact he hated weddings, they made him nauseous, but Clay was his best friend and no matter what, he'd always have his back. "Sure." He shrugged his shoulders.

"Don't get too excited now." Clay stated sarcastically. Nathan was a renowned ass hole and at one time Clay had been the same way, except he grew out of that phase and Nathan still hadn't. They grew up together, they were partners in crime, and even though they didn't attend the same college or live in the same area; they remained close throughout the years. They had an undying bromance that no one could break.

Clay knew Nathan hated the idea of being involved in a wedding, but at the same time, this was his best friend. This was the only friend he truly trusted. It only seemed right to have Nathan be his best man.

"You know I fucking hate weddings, but because you and Brooke have always been there for me, I'll be there for you guys. Just don't expect me to act all fucking cheerful about this."

"You cheerful…never!" Clay declared mockingly. "Thanks Nate." Clay smiled.

"Yea yea, so…what exactly does a best man do besides stand up with you at the altar?"

*~~~~*

"I cannot believe I'm finally getting married!" The dimpled brunette jumped up and down showing off her platinum emerald cut Harry Winston engagement ring.

"I know, I can't believe it either, especially to my brother…" The other brunette chuckled lightly. For as long as she could remember, her brother was never the marrying type, he even stated when they were younger that he was never getting married/ settling down to one woman, yet somehow and somewhere along the road, Brooke Davis came along and captured his heart. And from then on he was a goner…

"I want you to be my maid of honor" She beamed plopping on the couch next to her soon to be sister in law.

"Oh B, I'd love too!" She said happily leaning in to give her a hug.

"Clay is over at Nathans right now asking him to be his best man…this wedding is going to be so perfect Hales! I can't wait till we start planning…ohmygod, my mo—"

"Did you say Clay is asking Nathan to be his best man?" Haley cut her off.

"Yea, why wouldn't he?"

"Nathan Scott." She said in disbelief.

"Yes, but Haley…"

"He won't agree to it." Haley shook her head, "He hates weddings…Clay should have just asked Jake, hell even Luke." She uttered dramatically.

"Look Hales, I know that _he_ hurt you…"

"Exactly past tense—_he did hurt me_, but I'm over it…have been for a while, it's not a big deal…I mean yea it's an awkward situation especially because my brother doesn't even know, but what's done is done, besides it's not about what happened between Nathan and I, it's about you and Clay.." She smiled trying to convince herself.

She could do this, she could be around Nathan Scott, after all he was just a guy…a stupid guy who used her and threw her away like trash. But that was life, people get hurt, they experience pain, they get their hearts broken. She held onto the pain for a while, but knew that in order to officially move on, she had to let it go. She now looked at it as a learning experience, and through that experience she learned how to heal herself and most importantly heal her heart. She had been bruised, but she realized she was never broken. She would never give a guy that much credit.

The last time she had seen Nathan Scott was about a year ago, but other than that, she had done a terrific job at avoiding him and his random drunken phone calls throughout the years. She could do this…she was a James, she was tough. Besides, _she had Julian now. _

She had an amazing boyfriend and everything in her life seemed to finally fall into place. She was finally able to move on. She was finally content and most importantly happy, but little did she know her world would once again be shaken up. She knew deep down, as much as Nathan hated weddings, he wouldn't turn down the offer to be Clay's best man and because of that, she knew Nathan Scott was back and there was no way to avoid him.

"_I love you Haley and it scares me, but there it is…" _

"_I …I love you too Nathan. Promise me you won't break my heart…" _

"_I promise."_


	2. Chapter 2

**Hello Everyone! Thank you oh so much for the replies, it's greatly appreciated. I'm very excited to share this story with you all. I started a story a while back titled _Passionate Awakening_, yet I didn't like where it was going and I merely wasn't inspired to write anymore. I had to reevaluate the storyline and start fresh, so with that I decided to discontinue and start over. Then the idea for _Untamed Desire_ popped in my head. I'm going to incorporate some of the ideas I had with _Passionate Awakening_ into this story, which I look forward to doing. There will be a complicated past between Nathan and Haley, as well as their families having a complicated intriguing past. I'm obsessed with movies like _Goodfellas and The Departed.._.so that should be somewhat of a hint for the complicated and intriguing lives of the Scott and James clan hehe. I hope you enjoy the next chapter.**

_So without further ado…_

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**Passionate Awakening  
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Chapter 2

_Beauty comes as much from the mind as from the eye. ~**Grey Livingston**_

_Click, click, click, click_

Haley stood on the docks taking in the view as much as she could through the new camera that Julian presented her with just this morning. The cool breeze soothingly hit her skin, blowing her auburn waves off her neck. She closed her eyes for a moment, simply appreciating the tranquility all around; listening quietly to the wind and the ocean's melody, the bird's harmony, the serenity in the atmosphere, the stillness all around. She loved taking trips to the Hamptons. The luxury beachfront estate owned by her infamous father was the best place to get away, to think. As far back as she could remember, this was place was her escape, the one place she'd go to reflect, to ponder, and meditate.

_Click, click, click, click _

This place is where she learned to appreciate true beauty. It was a secluded property in the middle of the Hamptons surrounded by beautiful deep green trees and a large lengthy dock leading to a secluded area on the beach. There was one tree in particular that always caught her attention; a dead tree, bounded by vivacity, bounded by life, this old unembellished tree she deemed exquisite, specifically because it was a reminder of life. It enticed her minds concentration and awareness, not by itself, but by what she could see around it. A few years ago, her father almost had it cut down, but Haley begged him to let it stay, of course not being able to turn down his Princess, Jonathan James agreed not to.

_Click, click, click, click_

She began taking pictures of this dead tree that had been standing tall for years, despite its lifeless form.

This tree, reminded her of when _Nathan Scott_ broke her heart. It was then that she escaped to her father's estate for a couple weeks, and stumbled upon this dead tree. She stared at it for hours upon hours feeling numb, feeling lifeless as this one tree appeared to be, yet she found beauty in it. No, not because this tree was dead, but because it reminded her of love. Even when it hurts, even when it brings you down and eventually makes you feel numb, there is still life all around, life keeps going, it doesn't stop for anyone. This tree and the life around it, made her realize that she needed to heal.

She had a realization: Through this tree, she found beauty in the most mundane or inane things. Simply that one delightful part about the things people most frequently rejected to observe or wanted to forget, or miss out on. That one large dead tree surrounded by lush trees was how she learned to heal her heart.

She took a deep breath realizing that she could do this. She could be around Nathan Scott again. Life went on after he broke her heart, and still continued to go on.

It was when she dealt with her first broken heart that her fervent enthralment with photography began. Now, she was hardly ever without her camera, and today was no exception. She attended _Columbia University_ for four years, where she finally chose her beloved major, and graduated a few months ago with a BA in Photography.

Now, she was a freelance photographer who mostly worked diligently and enthusiastically as a photographer for several charitable organizations and fundraisers. She was twenty three, lived on her own in small apartment in Manhattan and worked very hard without asking anything from her prosperous father, except to pay off her school loans. Her parents were very proud of her and so were her siblings.

Haley James was the baby of her family. Her parents were happily divorced, by the time she was two. Her mother had remarried, while her father had been with the same woman for a little over thirteen years. Haley and her older sister Quinn lived with their mother in North Carolina after the divorce, while her father and brother resided in New York. At age eleven, Haley moved to New York to live with her father and brother, while her older sister Quinn moved to Paris with their mother and stepfather.

When Haley was young things were easy and uncomplicated, unblemished by the vicious sequence of destiny. It was often said by her mother and grandmother that she was packed with so much love and humanity that her father and brother often asked for the same delight, but never received such an enduring gift.

Although, her mother wasn't around during most of her formative years due to her living in another country and her father mostly working and traveling on business, she was raised mostly by her grandmother (her mother's mom) who resided in upscale Manhattan. Her grandmother was raised by Victorian parents meaning very wealthy, conservative, uptight, detached, conventional people. Victorian mothers often spent their time planning dinner parties, visiting dressmakers or calling on friends. Both papa and mama saw the upbringing of their children and grandchildren as an important responsibility. They believed a child must be taught the difference between right and wrong if he was to grow into a good and thoughtful adult.

Hence, to prevent any type of punishment, Haley had never been in a quandary because she did everything suitably acceptable or at least tried to. She'd listen to her elders and most importantly she never complained. She stood up straight and showed ideal elegance for her youth. She had always been an old soul trapped in a young body. She remained well-behaved and polite because that's what she was taught to do. She always followed some type of rule and guideline, never bearing in mind what's outside the circle her grandmother created for her…_that is until Nathan Scott made his way into her heart._

She would watch from the sidelines as her brother lived the rebellious carefree life, she always dreamed about. She and Clay were complete opposites, yet they were very close. He was the overprotective older brother and she was the baby sister who would get upset when he scared the boys away.

Growing up, their grandmother made them attend church every Sunday. While on Wednesday and Friday Haley was required to attend Bible study. Their father didn't object, he knew better than to question Catherine. Her grandmother would always tell her that her dad was a sinner and her brother was following the devils path, but Haley didn't believe that. Sure Clay was lost in the past, but he had found his way, thanks in large part to Brooke and his daughter.

Her father and his business partner were very powerful men who owned many flourishing corporations. Of course after high school or college she could have taken up one of her father's business ventures like her brother and sister did, but she wanted to stay clear for many reasons. She wanted to create her own success and build her own career without relying on her father. She didn't want to take the easy route. She wanted to take the road less traveled.

"You just had to get away from me this morning, huh?" She heard a familiar voice feign being hurt. She smiled, realizing who it was. She turned around to see Julian, _her_ amazing Julian standing there with a half smile, holding a bouquet of red roses. He was always so good to her. He always showed her just how much he loved her.

"Smile handsome" she said, snapping a picture at him.

"Well, I'm glad you're putting that thing to use," Julian said walking toward her.

"I still can't believe you bought me this camera." He had seen her eyeing it for months in one of her photography magazines, saying that she would eventually get it when she saved enough money. So since he had the money, he purchased it for her a couple days ago and surprised her with it earlier that day. "I don't think I tell you enough, how much I really do love you..." She beamed wrapping her arms around his neck.

"Oh, you just love me because I buy you everything you want." He smirked and Haley pecked him on the lips.

"Are those for me?" She said sweetly looking at the red roses.

"If I say yes, can I get another kiss?"

"If you say yes, I'll give you another kiss and..." She started playing with the buttons on his beige shirt, "something more pleasurable." She raised one eye brow suggestively.

"Why Haley James, are you trying to seduce me?" She stood on her tip toes and kissed him passionately, then pulled away with a huge smile.

"I guess that's a yes. Why don't we go inside right now?" He widely smiled.

"I thought you'd never ask..." Haley smirked seductively grabbing his free hand and pulling him toward the large abode. Julian always put her at east. _He always reminded her that life still goes on. _

*~~~~~*

"Mr. Scott, I'm glad you could make it, how was your flight?" The old chubby gentleman asked in a British accent.

"It's Nathan. My dad goes by Mr. Scott, and my flight was—long." He said taking a seat across from the old gentleman who was still standing.

The old man sat down grabbing his tablecloth, placing it on his lap, "So…"

"Look, let's just get straight to the point…how much?" Nathan said pulling out his checkbook from the inside of his black pea coat that lay upon his chairs back.

"How much are we talking about here?" The man inquired.

"5 million" Nathan stated casually.

"That's way more than the asking price. Besides I don't want to sell if the money is— _dishonest_" The older man shifted nervously in his seat.

"Dishonest?" Nathan sat back in his chair coolly.

"Yeah I heard about the Scott and James business interests not being entirely legal." _Great another one of these guys_- Nathan thought.

"5 million— take it or leave it." He didn't really feel like arguing with this guy.

"Look I'm not here to discuss that or anything about my business interests, I'm here solely to discuss a business _deal_, so once again I'll pay you 5 million dollars."

"Mr.—Nathan, you can't just…"

"7 million and that's my final offer. No questions."

"Fine…" The man finally agreed without hesitation. Most people had one weakness, _money_. "You got yourself a deal." He smiled. Nathan grinned and shook hands with the man. "Let's start on the paperwork then."

Nathan Scott was good at _everything_ he did.

He was a Scott and the Scott name was merely legendary and rather intimidating. Or at least that was their reputation. The Scotts were a family with a complicated and conspicuous history. A family that sometimes made him feel inferior. Yet, Nathan loved being a Scott. He loved holding so much power. He loved the attention and the funds that came with it. Scott men were _secretive_ and _unsolved._ Scott men were _infamous_.

Out of all Dan Scott's sons, Nathan was his father's right hand man besides Jon.

He was arrogant, polite, and inexplicable. He didn't explain himself to anyone, He knew how the wealthy worked and he fit right in. He engaged the role of a standard wealthy playboy. Women loved him and he sure as hell took advantage_._

His best friend and partner in crime since birth was Clayton James.

In high school they were the exact same, in college they were the exact same, but as soon as Clayton fell in love with Brooke Davis, he changed his ways. Clayton was_ the only friend he kept his promises and loyalties to._ Living with the rich and famous, one had to learn that only your real friends will tell you when your face is dirty. That's what Clayton did for him, that's what he did for Clayton.

Clay had always been the type of guy that looked out for the people who mattered most in his life, especially one particular person, his little sister, Haley.

Now, Haley, she was different from all the rich kids. She was a _good one_ in Nathans eyes. Maybe that's why she intrigued him so much. Maybe that's why he pursued her. Maybe that's why he fell in love with her. Maybe that's why he pushed her away. Maybe that's why he was never _able to truly let her go_. She was forbidden, which made him want her even more. What's that saying? _You always want what you can't have_…Yet Nathan was the type of person who if he wanted something, he'd go after it, despite the consequences, despite, the outcome. _He was selfish._

_He knew he shouldn't, but he needed to talk to her, he needed to hear her voice. He missed her. Sure he was drunk off as ass, but when you're drunk, the truth comes out…right? Or so they say…_

_He reached for his cell phone dialing the only number he had memorized in his entire life, however, he knew better than to dial unblocked. He knew she wouldn't answer if she saw his number. So he pressed *67 before dialing her number. _

"_Hello…" She answered groggily. She must have been sleeping. _

"_Haleyyy…" He breathed into the phone, nearly slurring her name._

"_Nathan?" She whispered. _

"_Listen—I just…I wanted to tell you…" _

"_Please don't….please just stop…don't do this to me. Not again," Her voice fragile, as if she were going to cry._

"_I love you…" He whispered brokenly. She didn't say anything, but he knew she heard him. "Haley…" _

"_Is there a woman lying beside you right now?" He tightly shut his eyes, taking in a deep sharp breath, silently cursing himself. "Exactly…Goodbye Nathan" And with that she hung up. _

The young stylish gentleman stepped into_ Sketch, _the hottest most expensive restaurant in Manhattan, according to Forbes. Supposedly Pierre Gagnaire and Mazouz, an Algerian restaurateur, teamed up to create _Sketch_, one of the most impressive spaces in Manhattan. The restaurant's New French cuisine, which Gagnaire adapted from his three Michelin-starred Paris restaurant, had received rave reviews, as had the impeccable service, hefty bar, in-house D.J., and rotating art exhibit.

He looked down at the silver Versace watch on his right wrist that his baby sister had purchased two years ago as a birthday present for him. He sighed realizing that he was a tad bit early. He didn't mind, he needed a beer so the bar was sounding like an excellent idea. He sauntered up to the slender middle aged male host and asked where the bar was located. The middle aged man smiled and pointed to his left. The young man politely thanked him then walked in the direction in which the host pointed.

On his way up the gold and scarlet rounded stair case, he smirked at a few women whom he caught staring. He was used to the attention, he loved the attention, but tonight wasn't about pleasure, it was about business. He made his way to the top of the stairs finding the bar instantly.

"What can I get for you, sir?" A gray-haired man with glasses asked him.

"Uh, a beer would be great." He said sitting on the gold stool. The older man handed him a beer and the young man mumbled thank you.

He took a swig of his first alcoholic beverage of the night. He was pretty sure he'd have a lot more. Just then he inhaled a strong nauseating perfume that filled the air and right on cue he felt a pair of fake boobs slide against his arm. He looked to the side to see a sexy blonde woman with too much foundation, bright red lipstick, and perfect teeth smiling at him.

He sent her his famous smirk then looked ahead at the different alcohols that's sat on glass shelves against the mirrored wall. He wasn't that easy…

"I'm Kimberly." She voiced confidently. He turned to her again looking at her up down. She had on a tight white dress that showcased very much cleavage and left little to his imagination.

"I don't give my name to strangers." He smirked once again looking ahead as he took another swig of his beer.

"Well…" She leaned over in her seat to whisper in his ear, "that can change."

"I'm sure it could…" He continued to smirk.

"Sorry, I'm late. I had a meeting with the board of directors that ran a little past schedule." Nathan turned to his other side to see his oldest brother Stefan taking a seat as he took off his leather jacket. "I'll take rum and coke." He told the bartender who nodded his head.

"It's cool man…" Nathan then turned back to the woman, "I'm staying at Chambers hotel, suite 389. Meet me there at 11:59, if you're late, I'll just find someone else." He smirked with poise. Kimberly faintly smiled; admiring the perfection of this mystery mans features. She stood up from her seat, sauntering away; making sure to switch her hips confidently, convinced that he was watching her ass…but he wasn't.

"Damn…" Stefan said watching the sexy woman walk away, "Let me guess, you're going to hit that later"

Nathan smirked, "Yep." He proudly took a swig of his beer.

"Make sure you use protection." Stefan sent his little brother a matching smirk.

"Always do" Nathan replied.

"So how'd the meeting go?"

"Good" He said consuming another swig of his beer.

"That's all you have to say…Good?"

"What else is there to say Stefan, he accepted the money the property is ours now."

"Does this mean you're leaving New York now?"

"Nah, can't. Clay's getting married and asked me to be his best man."

Stefan busted out laughing. "I heard about the engagement, but damn Nathan Scott involved in a wedding, fuck man, never saw that coming. You weren't even a part of Drew's wedding because you hate the idea of marriage." He said referring to their other brother.

Nathan took a deep breath and sat back in his chair, "Yeah, yeah, I know…"

"Did you agree because you know Haley will be a huge part of the wedding?" Stefan was one of the few who knew about Nathan's past with Haley. In fact, he even helped them see each other a few times after finding out.

Nathan shot his brother a deathly stare not saying anything.

"I guess that's a yes." Stefan smirked. He knew his little brother still harbored deep feelings for the one and only Haley James, but he knew that if Nathan crossed that line again, he'd be playing with fire. "You know she has a boyfriend."

Nathan clenched his jaw, "I've heard."

"She's happy and in love"

"I've heard that, too."

"Leave her alone Nate…"

"I'm part of the wedding because my best friend asked me to be, not because I want to take the opportunity to see his sister."

"You sure about that?" Stefan raised his eye brows.

"Fuckin positive" The thing about Nathan Scott was, he was very unpredictable and unreadable. No one could ever really tell what his true motives actually were.


	3. Chapter 3

**Passionate Awakening  
**

Chapter 3 

_"Life has no other discipline to impose, if we would but realize it, than to accept life unquestioningly. Everything we shut our eyes to, everything we run away from, everything we deny, denigrate, or despise, serves to defeat us in the end. What seems painful, evil, unattainable, can become a source of beauty, joy, and strength, if faced with an open mind. Every moment is a golden one for him who has the vision to recognize it as such. "  
__**Henry Miller (1891 - 1980)**_

_Haley woke to the noise of tatter sounds being hit against her window. She moaned in response. "Five more minutes" Still, the noises wouldn't cease. She grouchily sat up in bed and checked her clock. It was exactly 12:00AM "What in the world?" _

_She drew her eyebrows together and got out of bed. She walked to her window and found Nathan looking up at her, smiling. Haley's eyes bugged out in shock. She quickly opened her window and whispered, "Nathan! What are you doing here, how'd you get past the guards?" _

_"I have my ways," He smirked. "Were you sleeping?"_

_"No," Haley stated sarcastically, "I was awake."_

_"Oh."_

_"Of course I was sleeping!" _

_"Sorry. I just…" Nathan shrugged helplessly. "I wanted to see you."_

_Haley softened a bit. "That's sweet. But it's so late. Couldn't you wait to see me tomorrow, you know, when people are awake?"_

_Nathan smirked. "Well technically it is tomorrow" _

_"Nathan Scott, you are one crazy boy." Even though it was supposed to be an insult, it sounded more as a compliment. _

_"Yeah, but you like that don't you?" Haley blushed and thanked God that it was dark. Nathan smiled and jerked his head backwards. "Come on. Let's go."_

_"Go where?" Haley asked, a little bit nervous. _

_"Does it matter?" _

_"What if we get in trouble?"_

_"Don't worry so much. We'll be fine. Your dad is out of town, Clay's still at Damien's party…" _

_Haley hesitated, knowing that if they were to get caught, Clay would definitely lose his temper, be pissed off, and she wouldn't be able to see Nathan ever again. On top of that, if her father found out, he would most likely ground her for life; tell her grandmother who would make her attend church every day, all day, along with adding extra guards around her room and outside the estate._

"_I have church in the morning and you know how my grandma is…" She whispered. _

_"I'll bring you back. I won't let anything happen to you, I promise." Haley knew he meant every word._

_Suddenly, the thought of getting in trouble didn't matter. _

_Haley let out a slow smile. "Okay."_

_~*~__  
_

"_So where exactly are you taking me?" She asked Nathan for the millionth. They had been driving now for about thirty minutes. _

"_It's a surprise…" _

"_I hate surprises." She stated. _

"_This one you'll like." He smirked confidently. _

_A few minutes later they arrived at East Hampton Beach, known as one of the world's most beautiful seashores. Nathan pulled his SUV on the dunes and parked so their view was of the __wide, white, sandy seashore. _

"_What are we doing here?" Haley looked over at Nathan. _

_Nathan took the key out of its ignition and opened the car door. "Come on…" _

"_It's freezing cold Nathan, I really don't want to get sick, why are we here?" _

"_Just live a little James" He smirked before stepping out the car and closing the door. Haley sighed then opened the car door and stepped out wrapping her sweater tightly around her body. _

"_Here" Nathan said, placing a blue blanket around her shoulders. He clutched her hand and they walked further onto the beach. They stopped midway on the white sand as Nathan lay out a red blanket then he quickly collapsed on it lying down. _

_Haley creased her eye brows and crossed her arms. She took a seat next to Nathan. _

_Nathan closed his eyes briefly, knowing full well Haley would lie right next to him at any moment."Relax," he soothed. "Why don't you come lie down next to me" _

_"I don't know…"_

_Nathan opened both eyes and stared into hers. "Come on, I'm not going to hurt you" He held out his hand for her to take. The weird thing was; Haley trusted Nathan so easily. There was something trustworthy about him that she couldn't explain. It was his integrity that she admired. It was his confidence and ease when he was with her. Hesitantly, she took his hand and lay next to him._

_"There," he said, "this isn't so bad, right?" _

_She sighed. "I guess." _

_He nudged her with his shoulder. Both of them looked up at the night sky, admiring the myriad of stars in the atmosphere. "Hey, look." He pointed to a set of constellations. "See those group of stars right there?" _

_"I see many groups of stars," she said lamely, making a point._

_Nathan then took her hand and pointed to the direction of constellations he was referring to. Haley didn't know why, but she felt a little jolt once their skin touched. He held it still and used her hand to trace the group of stars. "You see, that's the Little Dipper. And over there," he directed her hand in another set of stars, "that's the Big Dipper. Do you see the handle?"_

_"Wow!" Haley said in disbelief. "I see them!" _

_Nathan smiled. "You want to see Venus?" _

_"We could see Venus?" she asked, turning her head to look into his eyes. Then something struck her. She noticed for the first time, how wonderful his eyes were. They were a hazy blue, like the ocean, and in that moment she felt like she could've drowned in them. _

_"You bet." Looking up, he took her hand again and pointed it to the far right, where a single bright star was located. It was the biggest and brightest of them all, flickering, and the faintest color of yellow. "There it is," he whispered. _

_"That's beautiful…" she said, almost to herself. She kept staring at the lonesome star, secluded from the rest. She wasn't able to take her eyes off it, as though the star was hypnotizing her. _

_For some reason, Nathan couldn't take his eyes off her either. He was thankful that her eyes were trained on the star, not noticing his gaze upon her._

"_Nathan?" _

"_Yea?" _

"_Why do you like me? I mean whatever this is, I'm only fifteen, I don't hang out in the same crowd as you or Clay, we're complete opposites, and you're my brother's best friend and my brother would probably kill you if he knew that we were hanging out behind his back…" _

"_Maybe that's why I like you, because I'm not supposed to…" He smirked. Nathan found her hand and intertwined their fingers. He couldn't explain it. He was merely drawn to her. _

"_You're going to get me in a lot of trouble Nathan Scott." Haley smiled staring back at the stars. _

Nathan stirred in his slumber. The annoying sound of a ringing telephone was gradually deafening his ears. Still laying flat on his stomach, he reached over to the nightstand feeling around for the hotel phone, he finally felt the smooth device on his fingertips and picked up the telephone off its receiver.

"What…" He muttered into the phone, his eyes still closed.

"_Hello Mr. Scott, this is your 7 a.m. wake up call."_ A woman's annoying voice chimed through his ear. He opened his eyes and sighed before hanging up the phone without saying thank you. He turned to lie on his back and noticed two very naked women tangled in the covers beside him. He smirked to himself remembering when he arrived back at his hotel room last night, Kelly or whatever her name was, invited a friend. He didn't complain it only made his night more interesting.

He moved to sit up, placing his bare feet on the crimson colored carpet. He stretched his arms over his head; unconsciously defining his muscles in the process.

He stood up, the thick white bed sheet sliding off his exposed bottom half. He grabbed his navy blue boxers that were thrown on the chair last night and slipped them on. He noticed a few condom wrappers scattered around the large hotel suite as well as empty beer and wine bottles. He sighed, content that he didn't have a hangover. His body was so immune to alcohol it didn't really affect him in a negative manner anymore. He walked over to the other side of the disheveled bed and tapped one of the blondes on the shoulders. She stirred a little at first then finally woke up and smiled up at him.

"You and your friend need to leave." He said with a straight face as he crossed his arms.

She crinkled her eye brows and yawned, "What…" She managed to say as she cupped her forehead with her hand.

"I said that you _sluts_ need to leave…" He said picking up the items of clothing around his room and tossing them on the foot of the bed. The blonde sat up confused and obviously hung over.

Nathan grabbed his wallet and pulled out a hundred dollar bill, "Here's breakfast money…" He said flicking it on the bed, it was the least he could do, "By the time I get out my shower, I expect you to be gone…" He voiced walking into the bathroom slamming the door behind him causing the other blonde to pop up, now wide awake.

~*~

Haley looked at the clock on her nightstand and sighed.

7_:23a.m._, it read.

After leaving the Hamptons with Julian last night, they headed back to her small apartment in Manhattan where they ended up making love again in her comfy queen sized bed. Julian was only in town for the week, so she wanted to spend as much time with him as possible before he was to go back to California.

She had promised Brooke and her brother that she'd meet them for breakfast in the city at nine thirty to celebrate their now infamous engagement. A breakfast that she wasn't really looking forward to because she knew Nathan would be there too. She assumed that her family along with the Scotts, and Davis' would also be in attendance. After all, the news of her brother's engagement already made its way to half the newspapers in _New York_. Haley knew that when Brooke did finally accept her brothers proposal, she would do it big, meaning a big engagement, a big party, a big wedding. That's just how Brooke Davis did things. If she were to be the center of attention, she would make sure that everyone remembered_._

Haley turned over in bed to see her Julian sound asleep; their bodies still tangled beneath the sheets. She began planting kisses all over his handsome face as his eyes stirred open and a grin spread on his lips.

"Morning sunshine" She smiled draping her arm over his chest.

"Morning" He yawned before placing a kiss on her forehead.

"We have an engagement breakfast to attend this morning."

"What time?" He yawned.

"Nine thirty."

"Wait, an engagement breakfast?"

"Yes, Brooke insists that every time we meet for a meal now, she has to throw engagement in front of it."

"Does that mean when she's actually married, she's going to throw married in front of every meal you guys meet for?"

"I wouldn't doubt it." Haley chuckled, "I'm going to take a shower, want to join me?"

"I have to call the office actually, so you go right ahead, I'll take one after you." He said sitting up.

"Okay" She said getting out of bed and wrapping her beige silk robe around her body. She crawled back on her bed to where Julian sat and kissed him tenderly "I love you"

"I love you too beautiful." He smiled.

~*~

"Nathan! It's so good to see, we've missed you!" Brooke said hugging him tightly.

"Aw, thanks Brooke, I've missed you guys, too. Congratulations." He stated sincerely. Surprisingly he had arrived at _Norma's_ early. A pricey breakfast and lunch American restaurant that resided in the _Le_ _Parker Meridien,_ a classy hotel in uptown New York. Some called _Norma's_ a five star diner; others said it was breakfast over the top. Either way, Clay and Brooke had booked the entire dining area for their family and friends to celebrate their engagement. Brooke insisted because she wanted to be different from every other bride who threw engagement parties and dinners. It didn't hurt that Brooke's family knew the owner of the restaurant.

"Thank you." She beamed. They were standing in the restaurants lobby being that Brooke insisted on personally greeting all her guests before they walked in the dining area to take their seats. She linked arms with Clay's kissing him on the cheek. "I love this man. Now if only we could get you to settle down Nate"

"Now Dimples, you know that will never happen." Clay chuckled. He knew Nathan and he knew that commitment was one word that Nathan steered clear of.

"He's right Brooke. I'm not the settling down type. _Never have been_" Nathan stated.

"_You sure about that?"_ Brooke smirked. Nathan knew exactly what she was talking about. Out of all people, why did Brooke Davis have to know? She had been torturing him and giving him a hard time for years about this, especially when she and Haley grew close.

"You know Nathan's never had a serious girlfriend in his twenty six years of living. Hell, he's never even been in love." Clay threw in there. "If he ever was, I would know…"

"Honey, I know you and Nathan are freakishly close, but I'm sure you don't know everything about him."

"It's sad to say, but I do." Clay affirmed confidently.

"I'm_ sure_ he's been in love…haven't you Nate?" Brooke asked looking at Nathan with a tilted head.

Nathan cleared his throat, "Uh…I—"

"Sorry to break it to you dear, but my good ole pal here has never been in love. Nathan Scott doesn't fall in love, only into random chicks beds." Clay smirked.

"He's right B. Davis. I've never been in love, _just lust_."

"Too bad for you, it's amazing…being in love that is." She said looking at Clay with a huge smile. Clay kissed her lips tenderly whispering I love you.

"So Stefan tells me the business deal fell through, I guess that means—"

"Uh, uh, no talk of business today, please…unless it's about the wedding." Brooke declared.

"Alright, I'm sorry Dimples, no business talk." Clay kissed Brooke on her forehead.

"Thank you honey…" She kissed his lips.

"Where's my god-daughter?" Nathan asked changing the subject. He hated lovey dovey shit.

"I'm right here Uncle Nate!" He heard a little girls voice squeal. He turned around to see the only kid that he could truly stand being around staring up at him with her big beautiful green eyes, Madison James.

Nathan picked up the little curly head brunette, "This can't be my god daughter, the last time I saw Madison James she was much shorter than you." The little girl giggled showing off her dimples that matched her mothers.

"It's me Uncle Nate, I promise, I grew a little." Nathan smiled; then hugged the little girl who threw her little arms around his neck.

"You missed my sixth birthday." She pouted.

"I know Maddy, I'm sorry, I had to work, but did you get my gift in the mail?"

"Yes." She smiled. "I'm wearing it right now! See!" She smiled showing him her gold bracelet that had her name engraved on it.

"It looks beautiful." He said.

"Thank you Uncle Nate." She kissed his cheek.

"Anything for my favorite girl"

Nathan Scott may have been ruthless when it came to women, but the important ones in his life, he knew how to respect and treat very well.

"Mama, when we get ready to eat, can I sit next to Uncle Nate?" Madison looked at her parents.

"Of course baby girl." Brooke said.

Clay looked at his watch, "Did you tell Hales nine thirty?" He asked his fiancée. Haley was never late. In fact she was always early to everything because she hated attention.

"Yes, she's probably just getting it on with Julian. She'll be here." Brooke leered.

"Eh, Brooke that's my little sister, I really don't want to think about that, I have a hard enough time accepting that she has a boyfriend" Clay scrunched up his face in disgust. Brooke looked at Nathan who clenched his jaw. She simply smiled in delight.

"I'm gonna go take my seat with Miss Maddy here." Nathan uttered before walking away with the little girl in his arms who started chatting away. This breakfast would be interesting, but as usual, he had to keep his cool.

~*~

"Taxi!" Haley bellowed as she held out her arm eager to catch one's eye. They were running late for two reasons: One, Haley couldn't figure out what to wear and two, Julian's business call lasted longer than expected.

At last, one rolled to a stop in front of them and they quickly got inside.

"Brooke is going to kill me" Haley muttered.

"Just blame it on me. I'll take Brooke's wrath…"

"Aw, you're so sweet." Haley chuckled, touching his cheek. "And brave…"

"Who's supposed to be there?"

"Probably my family, Brooke's family…_the Scotts_…"

"Oh, the infamous Scotts, I don't think the ones I've met like me very much"

"Don't take it personally, the Scott men don't really like anyone they initially meet. They have a hard time letting people in their circle of trust."

"How many Scott children are there?"

"Well, there's five, you've met them all, except for...Nathan."

"Does he live here in New York?"

"No, um, he lives…everywhere."

"What does that mean?"

"Nathan's the type of person who can't stay in one place for too long. So, I don't really know where he calls home these days. He's sort of a ball of confusion, wrapped in a mystery, you never really know what to expect."

"I see. Well, maybe he'll be at the breakfast…" Haley sent Julian a small smile then turned her head to look out the window, she watched as the city rolled on by. She wondered if she was ever going to truly get Nathan Scott out of her mind, out of her heart, and most importantly out of her life.


	4. Chapter 4

**Passionate Awakening  
**

Chapter Four 

"_The games we never win are those  
where everything and nothing are at stake.  
These are the games that play us."  
- Anonymous_

"_Tell me something that nobody knows" _

_He thought for a moment then smirked, "I really like you." _

_A hint of blush reached her cheeks and she smiled, "I like you, too" _

"_You sure about that?" He asked and she nodded. "I really want to kiss you right now Haley?"_

"_I-I've never kissed a boy before." She blushed looking down in embarrassment. _

_He lifted her chin with his hand. "Hey, don't be ashamed. Your innocence is a quality I respect and like about you."_

"_Really?" _

"_Yeah" He smiled. Haley gazed in his eyes not knowing what to expect. She didn't know why he liked her, why he insisted they hang out, but as much as she feared the unknown, she knew that as long as Nathan Scott was interested, she would always be his. He closed the gap between them, cupped her face, and kissed her__ lips lightly__._

_He gradually slipped his tongue into her hesitant chaste mouth. She remained stoic against him until she felt his tongue act against hers. She wrapped her arms around his neck and lost what little control—, who was she kidding, she didn't have any control to begin with…She kissed him back harmonizing with his intensity, with his passion. Their tongues fought for dominance, but as soon as she allowed her fear to take over, she slightly pushed his chest with her hand, and backed away. He smirked at her and lunged back in capturing her lower lip with his teeth, reasoning her to press her body further into his embrace. _

_She backed away once more, before it went too far, "Nathan…" She whispered breathlessly. _

_He reached out for her, pulling her body close to his, "I won't do anything that will disappoint your grandma, your parents or your brother Hales." He smirked. _

"_You are something else Nathan." She smiled before wrapping her arms around his neck and kissing him again._

"Haley, love the straight hair, did you bring your camera?" Brooke asked hugging her soon to be sister in law. Haley and Julian had finally arrived to the 'engagement breakfast' only to be greeted in the lobby by her brother and Brooke.

"Yes B…" Haley smiled lifting up her camera bag.

Brooke clapped her hands with a huge smile, "Okay, I want you to get pictures of everyone here and get plenty of pictures of Maddy. She looks adorable in that pink dress you bought for her. Oh, and I want to be included in the pictures, mostly action shots though—Hi Julian"

"Hi Brooke, congratulations" He smiled giving her a hug and shaking Clay's hand.

"Thank you." They both uttered with smiles.

"Haley bop, what took you so long?" Clay asked hugging her.

"I—"

"I woke up late. Then I had to make a few calls to my office in California that took longer than expected." Julian cut in. Haley sent him a small smile showing her gratitude.

"Well, next time call Hales, you had me worried."

"Clay, I'm only like fifteen minutes late." Haley shrugged her shoulders.

"But you're never late, so for someone who's never late and always early, I have a right to be worried, you may be grown, but you're still my little sister"

Haley rolled her eyes, "Can we go inside now?"

"Of course" Brooke said clutching Clay's hand wanting to ease her fiancées concern. She knew that Clay didn't really like Julian for the mere fact that he was dating his baby sister. So, to hear that he made her late, Brooke knew this insignificant detail would be another reason Clay would employ for why Julian isn't good for her.

.

~*~

"Uncle Nate?"

"Yes Maddy" Nathan looked down at the little girl that was sitting beside him.

"Remember when I saw you kiss Aunt Haley and she slapped your face?" Maddy giggled. Nathan stared down at the little girl and chuckled a little. Of course he remembered. That was the last time he had seen Haley.

"Yes I remember." Nathan said clearing his throat and shifting in his seat. The only person at his table that heard was his older brother Stefan who smiled and laughed.

"That was funny." She continued to giggle. Nathan glanced at his little sister Lily, but she was too busy talking on her phone, oblivious to what Madison had just said. Lily didn't know about his past with Haley and if she did, he was sure everyone else would, too.

"So, what do you want for breakfast?" He asked trying to change the subject.

"Blueberry pancakes!"

"Maddy— out of curiosity, when Aunt Haley slapped Uncle Nate, who else saw?" Stefan asked the little girl.

"Stefan…" Nathan warned.

He innocently shrugged, "What? I'm just curious"

"Just me and mommy" Madison said coloring the picture that was in front of her.

"Don't start. Not today." Nathan warned again.

"Oh, it's already started" Stefan muttered, Nathan looked up at his brother to see him turned around in his seat. He followed his line of sight to see Clay, Brooke, some tall guy, and_ Haley_ walking in the corridor all smiling and laughing. It's as if everything around him had stopped. He couldn't help but keep his eyes fixed on Haley, _his_ Haley.

She looked _beautiful_, even more so than the last time he had seen her. He watched as her boyfriend helped take off her white pea coat and kissed her on the forehead. He observed in a distance as Haley gazed at this other man with so much love. Nathan clenched his jaw at the sight of this as he took a deep strained breath. Pangs of jealousy shot through his veins.

Stefan turned around to see the anger and hurt swirling around in his brother's eyes. That was the thing about Nathan, although he looked unaffected and unfazed, if one were to look in his eyes, they could see his true emotion. His eyes spoke the only truth he would never admit. _He was in love with his best friends little sister._

"I need to go make a few calls. I'll be back, Stefan watch Maddy, since Lily is more interested in her phone call." He said standing up from the table and throwing his napkin on the table.

~*~

"There are so many people here." Haley whispered to Julian looking around the broad dining hall. She noticed most of her family who already greeted her, along with Brooke's family who also said their hellos, a few of their friends, and last but not least some of the Scott family also in attendance. She scanned the room looking for the one person she hoped decided not to show up, but she didn't see him…_thank goodness._

"Good thing they have a buffet" Julian stated. "I'm starving"

"Me too, can you fix me a plate? I should probably start taking pictures before Bridezilla Brooke emerges." She smiled.

"Of course baby" He kissed her lips.

"Thank you." Haley picked up her camera bag and set it on the table. "Alright" She muttered to herself getting her equipment ready. She decided to begin by taking pictures of the restaurant's exterior so she excused herself from the table and proceeded out the corridor into the lobby, outside in the cold winter air. She was adjusting the lens on her camera when suddenly she bumped into a firm chest.

"Oh, I'm so sorry." She said looking up at the person she jolted into. "Great, out of all the people to run into" She breathed out in frustration. She tried not to look at him, but he was so damn sexy, it made it difficult not to.

There he stood…Nathan Scott, in a pair of black slacks, an open black pea coat that showcased his perfectly creased black button up. His hair perfectly styled and that annoying smirk she hated, but loved and missed so much. That smirk was how she tumbled into his trap in the first place. Damn him and his sexy ass.

"I'll call you back." He said into his phone.

"Who was that, one of your sluts?" She inquired crossing her arms. "Scratch that, I really don't care…why are you here Nathan? Why did you accept my brother's best man offer, you hate weddings, you weren't even a part of your own brothers wedding!"

"_You look beautiful Haley." He _easily stated. She always did. He couldn't believe she was standing right in front of him in a simple elegant red dress that did wonders for her curves and legs. If she didn't evidently dislike him so much, he would ask if she wanted to go back to his hotel suite.

"Nathan…"

"You know I always liked the fact that you don't bullshit around" Haley didn't say anything she just stared at him with an angry expression. "Clay's my best friend and so is Brooke. I couldn't say no…"

"Yes, yes you could've, you said no to your own brother for crying out loud!"

"It's different…"

"How is that different?"

"Look Haley. I'm sorry if me being here makes you uncomfortable…actually-- no I'm not. I'm glad that I still have an effect on you" He smirked.

"You are such a smug son of a—"

"Oh, you don't want to finish that Ms. James. Isn't cursing against your religion?" He stepped closer to her and shrugged off his black coat.

"What are you doing?" He placed the coat around her shoulders and leaned down placing a soft kiss on her cheek.

"Don't want you to catch a cold." He whispered in her ear. "I'll see you inside." And with that he quickly sauntered off. Haley wanted to scream at him, but she couldn't find her voice. No, she refused to let this happen again. She had to be smart this time. She had to focus on her career and Julian. He was good for her, he was _right _for her. He loved her and she loved him. Nathan Scott was in the past and she intended to keep it that way.

~*~

"Where's Haley?" Julian asked Brooke placing two plates filled with food on the table.

"Uh, I don't know, probably somewhere taking pictures." She said taking a seat next to Clay who had Madison in his lap.

"How long are you here for this time Julian?" Clay asked him.

"Just till the end of the week." He said taking a seat.

"Are you staying with my sister?"

"Uh—"

"Yes, Clayton he is. Julian is Haley's boyfriend, possibly even her future husband. They stay at each other's places. They go places together. They're in love. They kiss, and even have sex. Get over it. She's twenty three years old and the last time I checked that made her a grown ass woman…sorry baby mommy said a bad word." Brooke said looking at her little girl who just giggled.

"Maddy, I thought you were sitting with me." Nathan walked up to the table.

"I am! Daddy wanted me to say hi to grandma." She smiled getting off her father's lap and walking up to Nathan who picked her up.

"Nathan—have you met Julian?" Brooke smiled.

"No." Nathan stated before walking off not even bothering to look at the punk sitting there.

Clay chuckled and Brooke hit him on the shoulder.

"Was that…Nathan Scott?" Julian asked.

"Yes, wait, what do you know?" Brooke inquired worried that Haley told him about her past with Nathan.

"Haley told me he's the last Scott child I haven't met."

"Oh, well yes, he's the one and only, sorry he's very rude, kind of like my fiancée."

"Hey guys. Sorry, I wanted to get pictures of the restaurants exterior for the photo album" Haley said sitting down.

"Nice Paul Smith coat Julian. I was totally going to buy Clay the same one the other day." Brooke voiced taking a bite of her eggs.

"That's not mine." Julian uttered looking at Haley who was taking off the coat.

"Um, it's Nathan's. I saw him outside and I didn't have mine so he offered me his."

"Oh" Brooke stated. "Well…" She stood up. "I'll go give it back to him, you guys eat, then when you're done, Haley….take pictures" Brooke snatched the coat from Haley's hands and walked off.

"Did you get the shots you wanted babe?" Julian asked Haley.

"Yes, thank you for making my plate." She kissed his lips. She had moved on and nothing or no one was going to make her think otherwise.

"No problem babe."

~*~

"Hi mommy!" Madison smiled from where she sat next to Nathan.

"Hi baby…Hi Lily and Stefan, thank you for coming" Brooke said walking up to the table where Nathan sat in the corner of the large room.

"Thank you for inviting us." Lily said patting her mouth with her napkin.

"Yeah Brooke, only you can pull off an engagement breakfast." Stefan chuckled.

"It wouldn't be me if I couldn't. Besides it's good to be different. Um, Nathan I need to talk to you." She said grabbing his wrist and leading him to the back of the restaurant in the hall, where the bathrooms were located.

"What's this all about?" Nathan said.

Brooke shoved his coat into his chest then crossed her arms. "Leave her alone Nathan, what you guys had is over. She's made that clear. She has a boyfriend now, she's in love, and she's finally happy. I understand that since you're involved in this wedding you will be seeing a lot of each other, but understand this…if you don't stop this game that you play with her…Clayton will find out and I can guarantee you that it won't be pretty. It's time to grow up Nathan, stop risking your friendship. If Clay means anything to you, if Haley means anything to you…just stop," And with those final words Brooke walked away leaving Nathan standing there, hoping that her words would marinate within his thick brain.


	5. Chapter 5

**Passionate Awakening  
**

Chapter Five 

_Although every man believes that his decisions_

_and resolutions involve the most multifarious factors,_

_in reality they are mere oscillation_

_between flight and longing. __**~Herman Broch**_

"_You slept with her!" Haley screamed as tears streamed down her face. _

"_Will you please lower your voice" He yanked her arm and pulled her into his dad's office. _

"_How many has there been Nathan?" She cried, jerking her arm away and crossing her arms curtly over her chest. _

_Nathan closed the door behind them. "Will you calm down?!"_

"_To think you could finally keep it your damn pants, you're such a man whore, I knew I shouldn't have trusted you!" _

_Her words actually hurt him. This girl that he cared so deeply for didn't trust him. She was judging him just like everyone else. "This thing we have isn't exclusive Haley" He stated calmly moving to sit on the black leather couch. _

_Her lips trembled as she let out her next words in a gravelly whisper__,__ "What is that supposed to mean?" He did this every time. He toyed with her emotions and made her think she was the only one; but in truth she wasn't. In all frankness, when he wasn't with her, he was most likely with someone else._

"_It means that technically I can do whatever I want, we're not together" He shrugged simply. That was one thing about Nathan Scott, he was very honest. He rarely ever lied about anything. If his mother were to ask if she looked fat, he would tell her yes if he thought she gained weight. He didn't care if he hurt someone's feelings, especially if they tried to make him look like a fool. _

"_And you wonder why I won't sleep with you." She spit back wiping her tears with the palm of her hand._

_"No, you won't sleep with me because it's against your morals to have sex before marriage. I told you I respect that" He simply replied with a smirk. He stood up and walked over to her, "But I'm a guy Hales and guys have needs."He caressed her cheek. _

_She swatted his hand away, "Don't touch me. You're such a jerk!" _

"_Haley…" _

"_No, don't ever call me again" She walked towards the door. _

"_You've said that how many times?" He asked impassively. _

_She spun around, "Well this time I really mean it!"_

"_Listen…" _

"_Damien West actually asked me out the other day. I think I'm going to take him up on that date." _

_Nathan laughed, "You know damn well that your brother would never let you go out with Damien West." _

"_And I also know my brother would never let me go out with you." She bit back. _

"_Well, I guess it's a good thing we're not going out then" He derisively smirked._

_She reached in her purse and pulled out her cell phone. "What are you doing?" He asked her furrowing his eye brows. _

_She didn't say anything she merely smiled holding the phone up to her ear, "Hi Damien…its Haley…How—" Nathan quickly snatched her phone and shut it closed. "Excuse me! That was rude!" _

_Nathan glared at her and said, "Don't fucking piss me off Haley." _

"_What?" She shrugged with an innocent expression, "We aren't exclusive. I can do whatever I want." _

_Smirking, he let her comment slide. He stepped closer to her staring intently in her eyes. "I'm sorry." He said just above a whisper. He grabbed her hand and intertwined their fingers._

_"Did you have sex with Rachel?" _

"_I haven't had sex with Rachel or any other girl since I started seeing you Haley" He promised._

"_You're telling me that Nathan Scott hasn't had sex in like a year." She said in disbelief. _

"_Difficult to believe…even more difficult to say, but yes I haven't had sex in that long." _

_She could finally breathe again, "I overheard my brother talking on the phone with someone saying how you and Rachel had sex at Lucas' party" _

_Nathan let out a deep breath, "Rachel was drunk, I took her up to one of the spare bedrooms to lay her down, then I just stayed in the room to watch TV—It's better that Clay thinks I'm screwing other chicks anyway so he doesn't get suspicious." _

_Haley bit her bottom lip and nodded, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have come at you the way I did. It's just… I miss you." _

"_I miss you too" He kissed her lips then wrapped his arms around her petite figure. _

"_This is so hard Nathan, you being all the way at Duke, me being here in New York. And the one weekend you actually come and visit, you go to your friend's party and everyone thinks you slept with the biggest skank in New York. I hear people at school talking all the time about how you were such a player in high school. Apparently you're legendary on and off the court" She looked up in his ocean blue orbs as her eyes suddenly became teary again. _

"_Trust me Hales." He whispered. "I only want you" He genuinely smiled. "I'm transferring to Columbia in the spring..." _

"_What?" She voiced in shock as a smile crept on her lips. _

"_Yeah, I'll be a Lion next semester meaning I'll be closer to home and closer to you." Haley threw her arms around him excitingly._

"_Oh Nathan, this is like the best news I've heard in a very long time!" She leaned back in his arms and broadly smiled._

"_I'm glad you're happy."He promised. _

"_You make me very happy Nathan, even when you're an ass." She smiled kissing his lips. _

"I don't want you to go." Haley pouted playing with the buttons on his shirt.

"I know baby, I don't want to go either, but I have to." Julian kissed her forehead. They were standing in the crowded airport near his terminal drop off.

"Can't you just stay a few more days?" She asked hopeful, she hated saying goodbye to him. Julian had received the phone call that they needed him back in California to hire a new director and also negotiate contracts with artistic and design personnel in accordance with collective bargaining agreements. Haley knew Julian loved his job, he loved being a movie producer and he loved living in California. She knew that because he was working on a new movie, she wouldn't see him for a while unless she decided to visit him in London where the movie was being filmed.

Julian was a good man though. He treated her with respect, he showed her that he loved her, and most importantly there was no drama. They had been together for a little over two years now. Julian had been in New York for about ten months working on a movie when they first started dating; meeting on a photo shoot Haley had landed for his movie. After the movie production wrapped up, they decided to stay together and give the long distance thing a shot. It had been working thus far, being that the first year of their relationship was mainly phone and webcam conversations since Julian was filming a movie in Canada and the second year, they had visited each other every chance they had. Haley had only been to California twice in the course of their relationship because Julian had always insisted that being a gentleman he needed to be the one doing the traveling if he wanted to make it work.

"I wish I could baby, but I have so much to do back home before I leave for London."

"I know," She whispered looking down, "Well hey, I'll visit you, I haven't been to London in years. So it would be nice to go back, especially since you'll be there for a while." Her face lit up.

"That would be great babe, but won't Brooke be keeping you busy by planning her wedding?"

"Probably, but by then I know I'll need a vacation." She smiled.

"**Flight ****45607 to Los Angeles is now boarding. All first class passengers please have your tickets out at the gate."**

"I had fun baby, I'm sorry my trip was cut short." He said picking up his carry-on bag.

"It's okay, as long as I get to see you that's all I care about." She wrapped her arms around his waist.

"I'll call you as soon as I land." He assured.

"Okay, have a safe trip, I love you." She pecked his lips.

"Love you more." He kissed her once more then proceeded to walk toward the terminal gate.

She was definitely going to miss him. He brought sanity and reason to her life and now that he was leaving for a good while, she knew she had to hold her ground, especially being around _him._ She knew Nathan didn't have to stay in the city while Brooke and Clay planned their wedding, but she knew he would for a reason she didn't dare bother to think about.

~*~

Nathan had officially been in New York for a few days now. Probably his longest stay before he moved away years ago. If he wasn't out partying, getting drunk, and sleeping with random women, he was burying his thoughts in work. He didn't really have time to do anything else. Ever since Brooke gave him that speech to stay away from Haley, _his_ Haley, he had been keeping his distance. He didn't know if he would actually listen and stay away, but he knew when the opportunity presented itself, he would take it without hesitation.

He didn't have to stay in New York, but he figured he might as well to piss Brooke off.

No matter what he did, he couldn't get Julian and Haley's disgustingly happy faces out of his head. He guzzled down the last of his beer setting the empty bottle on the table in front of the couch. He flipped through the channels finally deciding on ESPN. He looked at the televisions clock that read 6:54 p.m.

He contemplated going out and finding some random woman to hook up with, but quickly decided against it. He couldn't think properly, not when Brooke's rational words were running through his irrational brain. Anyway, having sex with Brooke's voice running through his head didn't sound too appealing.

He took a deep breath and paced back and forth by the sliding glass door that led onto the balcony. He ran a tired hand over his face.

Why did Brooke have to make him think? He knew that what happened between him and Haley was in the past, but he still wanted her. He always wanted her. He impetuously grabbed a notebook that was lying next to the couch and flipped to a blank page. He grabbed a pen off the counter and moved to sit on the couch. He stared at the blank paper sitting in front of him.

He tapped the black ball point pen on his knee and sighed.

Without anyone's knowledge, Nathan had been seeing a psychiatrist and although she made some great points, he still believed she was full of shit. Yet his last session plus Brooke's words, he couldn't get out of his mind.

"_So Mr. Scott, would you like to sit in the chair, or lay on the couch today." She asked closing her door._

_"Where do you want me, either way is fine." He smirked. She sighed shaking her head. He sat on the couch throwing his arms on the head rest. "Just don't call me Mr. Scott….call me Nathan alright." He said stubbornly._

_"If that's what you want…okay Nathan…Now, tell me about your childhood."_

_"Have you ever heard of the myth about Achilles?"_

_"Yes, yes I have."_

_"Achilles was the son of Thetis and Peleus, the bravest hero in the Trojan war, according to Greek mythology."_

_"When Achilles was born, his mother, Thetis, tried to make him immortal by dipping him in the river Styx. As she immersed him, she held him by one heel and forgot to dip him a second time so the heel she held could get wet too. Therefore, the place where she held him remained untouched by the magic water of the Styx and that part stayed mortal or vulnerable."_

_"To this day, any weak point is called an "Achilles' heel" He spoke, looking out her window. "But we also refer to the strong tendon that connects the muscles of the calf of the leg with the heel bone as the Achilles tendon. The term Achilles' heel was first used by a Dutch anatomist, Verheyden, in 1693 when he dissected his own amputated leg."_

_"They say that, Achilles didn't always have a vulnerable heel." She said, and he turned his attention back to her intrigued by this revelation._

_"Oh yes, he had a weak spot, but according to the original story about Achilles, Homer, in the Iliad, said it was his pride. Later versions indicate his weakness was his love for the Trojan princess Polyxena. In his Metamorphoses, Ovid suggested that Achilles had a vulnerable spot on his body; but the Roman poet, Statius, was the first to imply in a poem that it was his heel." Haley said. _

_  
"A man's pride is his vulnerability."_

_"Do you sometimes think your pride gets in the way?"_

_"I guess it's just how you look at it…I think…if Achilles weakness was his pride or love for a woman rather than his heel….then he's not a real man."_

_"How so? Just because a man shows weakness doesn't mean he's not a real man."_

_"Real men aren't weak. The weak have one weapon: the errors of those who think they are strong. The greatest weakness of all is the great fear of appearing weak. Men are supposed to be strong. It's what they were put on the earth to be."_

_"All cruelty springs from weakness. So would you rather be miserable because of your cruelty or weak because you are human? To be strong doesn't mean only physically showing strength, but being strong also means accepting that it's okay to be weak. You cannot run away from weakness Mr. Scott, you must fight it out or perish; and if that be so, then that's what makes an individual…or man in your case…strong."_

_"You asked me to tell you about my childhood…I was born in New York. Ever been?"_

_"No, I haven't, how long did you live there?"_

_"I grew up there—"_

_"Tell me about your parents."_

_"They're happily married." _

_  
"How long have they been happily married?" _

"_34 years"_

"_That's a long time" _

"_Yeah, but my dad—he's always been a traveler and a drifter, never one to really settle. He cheated on my mom. He was weak…" Nathan stopped and looked to the side clenching his jaw._

_"Is that why you believe that real men don't show weakness, because of your dad cheating on your mom?"_

_"When I was five, my dad took me outside to play catch…he threw the ball to me and I reached out to catch it with my hand and ended up falling on the ground skinning my knee somehow…I cried and he just stared at me….I remember looking up at him telling him and screaming at him that it hurt and after a while of having this intense staring contest, he just turned away and walked back inside the house."_

_"Was it always like that?"_

_"When I first started riding a bike I fell and hit my elbow and my dad didn't help me up or anything he just walked away. When I broke my arm…" He chuckled to himself. "My dad didn't help me go to the hospital he just walked away while I sat there crying and my mom was the one to take me to the hospital."_

_"That must have been difficult. Looking back, what do you think he was trying to do?"_

_"Teach me to be a man."_

_" Do you have siblings?"_

_"Yeah…three older brothers and one younger sister."_

_"Did you get along with your brothers growing up?"_

_"Yeah, we were close."_

_"Did they know about your father cheating?" _

"_Two of them do"_

"_Did your mom know?"_

"_Yeah, but she loves him so she stayed."_

_  
"When did you move away from New York?"_

_"I was twenty. Probably the worst mistake I ever made."_

_"How so?"  
_

"_Don't really want to talk about it"_

_"Okay, well tell me…what were you like in high school?"_

_"Girls practically showed up at my doorstep naked, offering homemade brownies and answers to my exams. I didn't find girls' company interesting, unless it involved the two of them in various states of undress." He smirked, but she didn't laugh so he continued._

_"I played basketball. I was the star player…My brothers attended college in different states so they were never really home. I hung out with my best friend Clay. He's more like my brother though. We mostly partied and played basketball"_

_"How long has basketball been a part of your life?"_

_"Since my dad returned home from a mini vacation with a fuzzy, soft, oversized basketball in his hand….ever since I was in my mom's stomach, my dad knew I was the son to make all his dreams come true. You see in high school, my dad was the basketball champ and leading scorer in a small town called Tree Hill. He was offered a scholarship to attend Duke, but on that same day, my mom told him she was pregnant so he chose to take care of his responsibilities. To me that was weak."_

_"Why would you say that?"_

_"Because for the rest of my mother's life…he blamed her for something he chose…"_

_"Care to elaborate."_

_"Not really." He shrugged._

_"Do you have a wife or girlfriend?"_

_"Why, you interested?" He smirked._

_"Nathan…" She warned._

_"Nah, I tend to play the field…I don't see the point in settling down."_

_"Why not?" She asked. _

"_Committing yourself to someone is a waste of time…it's all bull shit. Love, relationships…it's all crap."_

_"And why do you think that?"_

_"Because relationships are based on lies, no one ever goes into one whole heartedly."_

_"Are talking from experience?"_

_"Do men lie because they are not in touch with their emotions and are not as liable for their lies as the women who fall for them?"_

_"Men lie because they do not want to take responsibility for their options. They know exactly what is right and what is wrong to do in a relationship. If you're adult enough to have a relationship, you should be adult enough to make a commitment and be honest."_

_"Men lie because they are not in touch with their emotions and are not as liable for their lies as the stupid women who fall for them."_

_"When was your last serious relationship Nathan?"_

_"Uh." He said scratching his head. "I work so much that I never really have time for relationships just sex and infidelity...married women are great in bed, probably because their husbands fail to give them what I present." He smirked._

_"Could it be that your outlook on relationships is based on your father and his actions?"_

_"You could say that, but I make my own choices. I'm man enough to admit that. I don't want to put the blame on other people for something I chose to believe in."_

_"Tell me about your last relationship"_

_"Her name was Haley…we we're together non exclusively for about 5 years… nothing serious though…"_

_"5 years seems pretty serious to me."_

_"I said ABOUT 5 years…" He said, his eyes drifting to the side as if he were in contemplation._

_"Why did you stay with her for 5 years if it didn't mean anything to you?"_

_"I didn't say that it didn't mean anything to me, why does anyone stay with anyone?—I don't know I just did."_

_"If a man is afraid of losing someone it's because they know they are doing something wrong and they must lie to keep their convenient life. There's another answer to your previous question."_

_Nathan thought about what she said. "For once, I agree with you."_

_"Did you love her?"_

_"No love can hurt as much as a love that can never be...and no thoughts can hurt as much as the thoughts of a love that could have been.…I didn't…I didn't mean to hurt her." He admitted._

_"How did you hurt her?"_

_"Ever since I was little I was taught not to feel…so I didn't…I __**tried**__ not to feel for her. She always complained about every little thing I did wrong. She always had some smart ass comment and was fucking stubborn as shit. She knew how to get under my skin..."_

_"You didn't answer my question?"_

"_Sometimes the things you complain most about are the things u care the most about...unfortunately you don't always know that before it's too late."_

_"Okay, well, how did you meet Haley?"_

_"She's my best friends little sister." He chuckled lightly, thinking back on the memory. _

"_Did he know about your relationship?" _

"_No." _

"_How did you keep it a secret for so long?" _

"_Good luck I guess."He smirked. _

"_Let me guess, she was the one thing you couldn't have, you weren't supposed to touch. She was unattainable, so it made you want her even more. One day it hit you, you loved her, and that scared you because maybe just maybe that made you weak, and weakness shows vulnerability… But that couldn't happen because in the end you couldn't get over what your father did to your mother…you were afraid, so you hurt her somehow before you fell in too deep."_

_Nathan clapped his hands and nodded his head with a smile. "You got me all figured out. Wow, you're simply incredible."_

"_Were you with her for sex?" _

"_It was never about sex with Haley." He stated in a serious tone._

_"What about Haley opened your eyes and made you want more than just sex? Why was she so different from the other girls you had sex with?"_

_He shrugged. "She was innocent, she was a good one. She challenged me…Everyone I knew had someone…so I thought I'd hop on the band wagon and find someone."_

_"But why Haley? Why your best friends sister?" Nathan shrugged. "What else was Haley like?"_

_"Smart, pretty, religious, she was a consummate good girl..." He shrugged again._

"_Everyone needs someone, Nathan….Are you going to let what your father did affect your future, by screwing up every good thing that comes your way?"_

_"How do you know Haley was good for me?"_

_"I don't—"_

_"Exactly, you don't. She was a good girl who wanted to rebel, I was a bad boy looking to corrupt. We moderately fit at the time. She knew I wasn't looking to get serious and she told me she wasn't either, but somewhere along the line, it did. We fought half the time. Told each other to go to hell, then hours later we'd make up. Was I ever in love with her? Yes. She was my world, but I fucked up. That's life, shit happens and you deal with it"_

_"Do you miss her?"_

_"To truly love something or someone, you must first give it a chance to fail...if it survives it's going to be stronger than ever. Haley and I failed the first time I decided to pursue her. It was my fault, I know that. I should've just left her alone, but I couldn't."_

_"You fear love." He didn't say anything. "Behind those mysterious blue eyes of yours, lie tears that go uncried, tears of regret, sadness, sorrow, and pain. Even though you say that you don't blame anyone for your own mistakes…you secretly blame your father. But you won't admit that to yourself so you play mind games with me and everyone else so we don't see the pain and resentment that Nathan Scott truly holds in his heart" She challenged him._

_"Fine…YES, okay, fucking…YES…I blame my father for my life being so f—d up. For just being the way I am! I'm foolish and idiotic…and it's his fault, but I—I can't."_

_"You can't what?" _

"_I don't know who I am besides my father's son."_

_"Okay, well let's start with— what do you do for fun?"_

_"Attend therapy sessions." He smirked._

_"Your first step to finding out who Nathan Scott is without his father's regulations is to find what Nathan Scott likes to do, who you are without your fathers influence. Do you still like basketball?"_

_"Yeah, that's one thing I did better than my father. I really loved the game, but like I said the thrill was gone after high school and I don't care to discuss it any further." He said with a fake smile plastered on his lips._

_"Tell me about your brothers."_

_"Stefan owns his own law firm. He's single. Tommy works for my father, while Drew is living the American dream. Big House. Beautiful wife. 2.5 kids. He's a cop"_

_"Who are you closest to?"_

_"Stefan. He understands me, but I'd like to skip the rest of the brothers and family analysis."_

_"Okay. Well, since our time is up. I'm going to suggest that you make a list of everything you want out of your life while you take your trip to New York. Then bring it back to our next session."_

_"So I have homework?"_

_"If you want to call it that" Nathan stood up and walked towards her door. "And Nathan" He turned around, "Mistakes are part of the dues one pays for a full life."_

Nathan stared at what he wrote for a few seconds, then ripped the paper out, crumpled it, and threw it across the room. He wasn't ready to be honest, not yet. That meant admitting EVERYTHING he tried to forget in the past, and EVERYTHING that made him who he is today. No way, it was too painful to go back, it was too stressful. He didn't want to discuss his career. He didn't want to discuss his family.

He had many tribulations. He would admit that. He was a troubled young man afraid to confront his past. He came to the conclusion a long time ago, that no one could help him. No one would understand and yet he found himself believing in the pit of his heart, that he underestimated his psychiatrist, he underestimated _Haley James_. Maybe, just maybe they understood more than he thought, but he couldn't let Haley know EVERYTHING. He couldn't put his sanity on the line.

_Nathan Scott was a mystery. _

He picked up the basketball sitting on the couch beside him and continuously tossed it in the air catching it every time it landed in his hands.

God, he really missed the game, but like he said in his sessions, the thrill was gone. Or at least he thought it was. He put it down not wanting to reminisce about why he gave it up.

He looked at the clock on the wall.

**7:15 pm **

He sat comfortably with his head rested back. He closed his eyes and minutes later drifted off to sleep.

~*~

"Thanks Haley."

"No problem Andy, I'll see you in a few days." She smiled warmly at the older man. The older man sent her a small smile then walked out the steel door. It was her last photo shoot for the evening and she was ready to go home and sleep. She gathered her equipment, turned off the studios lighting, and locked the small loft.

"Okay Marie, I'm done for the night." She walked up to the receptionist's desk handing her the key.

"Well it's about time." The older lady smiled. "Now go home and relax, you work too much for being so young."

"What can I say, I love what I do." She smiled drumming her hand on the desk. "I'll see you later, have a good night."

"You too."

"Okay, bye Marie." Haley smiled walking out the large steel doors. She inhaled the cold air and wrapped her brown pea coat tightly against her body. She could hear sirens, honking, the swift sound of cars driving, music blaring, people walking, and residents yelling. She loved New York at night.

She caught a taxi and safely made it home. Once she reached her apartment door, she looked in her purse searching for her car keys. "Where are you?" She muttered softly to herself. Suddenly, she felt a hand on her shoulder causing her to jolt and shriek in shock as she reached in her pocket and hastily sprayed mace into the guys face. The man stumbled back cursing and yelling stridently while he sheltered his eyes with his hands.

"Nathan?!" She said out of breath touching her pounding heart. "What the hell are you doing?!" She sighed relieved. At least he wasn't some stranger or thief.

He kneeled down, blinking vigorously as he looked up, still voicing curse words, trying to relieve the pain and encourage tears to flush the irritant.

"I-I'm sorry, I didn't know it was you." She mumbled stepping closer to him.

"Are you sure?" He mumbled sarcastically wiping his eyes and face with the bottom of his shirt, displaying his rock hard abs.

"What are you doing here Nathan?"

"Fuck, my eyes." He mumbled, balling his hands into tight fists. He tried not to touch his eyes, because he knew it would make it worse. "I need milk?"

"What?" She voiced confused.

"Milk, it takes away the burning sensation. Do you have any?"

"Yeah, sure, I just carry milk in my purse every day." She bit out sarcastically.

"Look you don't have to be a bitch about it….fuck…" He said plopping on the ground putting his head in his hands.

"Whatever Nathan, I have some inside…" She said bleakly.

"I don't mean to be a burden. After all, you were the one who so nicely sprayed mace in my eyes." He said mockingly.

"Hey, you were the one who touched my shoulder without saying a word." She said placing one hand on her hip unaffected by his sarcasm.

"Look we're wasting time here." He said standing up his eyes closed. She unlocked her door and guided him inside. She sat him on her couch and walked into the kitchen where she grabbed two green towels off the counter and non fat milk out of her steel refrigerator.

"I'm really sorry…" She said now standing in front of him with the items in her hands. That was just like Haley to apologize even if she wasn't truly at fault.

"You were protecting yourself in a large city where crime happens every day….it's okay…" He uttered, his eyes still closed, "Can you drench the towel in milk for me please?"

"Yeah, yeah." She said quickly doing as he asked. She sat beside him, placing the towel over his eyes. She let it sit there for a few seconds, before his hands took over holding the towel in place.

"Thanks." He whispered taking the towel off his eyes. She handed him the clean towel.

"Do they still burn?" She asked.

"Yeah, but I'll be fine. I can keep them open at least. " He said fiercely blinking his eyes and wiping his face.

After a few seconds of awkward silence, she spoke, "Why are you here?" She finally asked again looking at him with her big intense teddy bear eyes.

"I…needed to ask you a question?"

"And what question is that?"

"Do you think we were a mistake?"

"Nathan…" She said standing up.

"Just answer me Haley…_please_."

After a few seconds of silence, she spoke. "I—no I don't think we were a mistake. I think we've independently made mistakes, but--"

"What if you've made so many mistakes that no matter how much you wish you could—you can't go back and make it right?"

"Nathan, think of it like basketball…"

"Not a good idea…"

"Well, any sport— in the game of life— it's a good idea to have a few early losses, which relieves you of the pressure of trying to maintain an undefeated season. If you catch my drift….My point is we are all stubborn, but truth will sooner come out of error than from confusion."

"You always do that" He smirked.

"Do what?"

"Never directly answer my questions"

"Nathan…" She shook her head running her hands through her curly auburn locks. "You are so infuriating, you always pick the wrong time to do things like this" She blew out.

Nathan stood up, "I just wanted to tell you that I still love you Haley. I never stopped. I don't know what that means, but I just wanted you to know."

"That's not fair." She shook her head. "I'm not the same naïve girl I used to be Nathan. I won't fall for your games anymore. I've moved on."

"You know if I was a selfless guy, I would probably walk away right now, but I've never been selfless and don't plan on starting any time soon."

"I don't know what that means, I don't know what you expect to accomplish here Nathan, but like I've said to you before…I've moved on with my life. I'm with Julian now and he makes me happy, we're happy." She spoke with certainty, but Nathan wasn't convinced, he noticed she still had the same desire and passion in her eyes, the desire and passion that proved to him she still cared.

He smirked, feeling a sense of accomplishment, "Then you and your 'boyfriend' have _nothing_ to worry about Haley. I'll see you around" With that declaration, he was swiftly out the door.

It was strange how one person could give you a whole new perspective on things you hadn't really been able to see. The simple act of waiting, being patient, and not letting your own lack of confidence bog you down, was something Haley had never really done before. She'd always been tolerant with others, always been able to wait for them to come around no matter what the situation. It was herself that she was predominantly hard on. Wanting to know the next move she was going to make, what that consequence would inevitably be, she needed to know the answers to these problems. And the only way for her to know those answers was to continuously be on top of everything, in every second, of every minute, but tonight she wasn't in control…especially of the feelings she thought had vanished.

As if on cue her cell phone began to ring, she took the silver device out of her pocket.

_Julian- it read._

She raised an eye brow and picked up the call, wiping the single tear that fell aimlessly down her cheek. "I miss you already"


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Hello Everyone, thank you all very much for the replies. At the Rivercourt I'm under Estrealla23 and decided to discontinue the stories over there. There were a few questions about that, I had many ideas for different stories, but wasn't passionate about them like I am about this one. There will be a few ideas from my other stories incorporated into this one. Anyway, I hope you enjoy the next installment....please share your reviews, I love reading them. They keep me motivated to write. **

* * *

**Passionate Awakening**

Chapter 6

_We do not remember days; we remember moments. _

_**Cesare Pavese, The Burning Brand**_

"_Nathan." She voiced, but there was no response. "Nathan?" she called again tentatively while opening the door. She slowly walked in to see him hovering over the toilet puking, his body flimsy looking._

_She hurried to his side. "Oh, God, Nathan," She whispered putting one of her hands on his warm stubbly cheek, and the other on his back._

_"Don't touch me." He whispered, his head in the toilet, his eyes closed._

_"Nathan…let me help you." She kneeled down beside him._

_"No." He swatted her hands away and pushed himself up from the toilet leaning against the wall._

_"I don't want anything from you, except for you to get the hell out" He sneered, his eyes still closed._

_Haley gasped, backing away from him. "Don't…don't be like this."_

_"Why, you don't know me…no one knows me….I don't even know myself…Just go...I need… I need something…I need a drink--fuck" He shook his head, finally opening his eyes, his face pale and sweaty._

_"Nathan...Stop. You've been doing so well. Don't slip now." She said calmly taking baby steps toward him._

_"Shut the hell up Haley! Take a look; it can't get any worse than it already is. You don't know shit!" He screamed at her. "I need a hit—" He limped over to the door._

_"Nathan..." She tried again calmly._

_"Don't start with me…If you try and stop me, I swear to fucking God…" He threatened, pointing his finger._

_"Would you really hit me Nathan? Is hitting me really going to make you feel better just to get some drugs? Or what do junkies call it…a hit? " She taunted._

_"Stop with all the questions!" He yelled storming out the bathroom with the little strength he had to balance himself. Haley stood there with her arms crossed shaking her head._

_"Where the hell is all my stuff!" He yelled tearing apart his room for the drugs that Haley already discarded._

_She stood there waiting for him to finish as he pulled out his drawers, throwing his clothes around._

_"Where are they?" he yelled childishly as he stammered over to her._

_"Where do you think, Nathan?" She responded calmly, "They're gone, do you think I want to stay in a place filled with your stupid drugs? Don't throw away your second chance over some inefficient drug habit that almost took your life. It's not worth it!"_

_"Just leave, I don't need your advice or this shit!" He shook his head then moved a little closer to Haley. "How fucking smug are you if you assume you can come here and dictate my life to me?" _

"_Well you know what Nathan? Right now you NEED someone dictating your life. You're not well, and the decisions you've obviously made are not fighting fit either. The doctor said sooner or later you'd have a fall out and told me to be prepared. So here I am. I'm not going anywhere. " She challenged._

_"Aw how brave you are, Wow Haley James I'm impressed…." He stormed out the room, pushing past her. Haley stumbled a little, but didn't falter._

_He began mumbling insanity as he tore through the living room possessions. "You can leave," he said once more, noticing Haley straggling behind, "You don't have to stay and baby-sit me. My life was fine without you before, I'm positive it will be fine after you leave."_

_"Who's going to take care of you Nathan? If I leave, you go back to the hospital. But maybe that's where you belong!"_

_"You don't know anything!"_

_"Aww poor baby, did I hit a nerve."_

_"Shut up!"_

_"Parties, drugs, and alcohol aren't the real world Nathan, if you wake up, you can see that! This itch you have to do your stupid drugs, is a feeling that can pass, only if you allow it!"_

_"So you're a therapist now too?"_

_"Whatever you need."_

_"Get the fuck out my house!"_

_"I'm not scared of you Nathan, unlike most people in your life, I'm not afraid to let you know when you're being an ass!" She snapped._

_"That's cute. " His voice saturated with exaggerated sarcasm. "You're just like everyone else! Always wanting something, like little nats on raw meat. They keep picking until there's nothing left but misery. Why can't they just leave me the fuck alone?!" Haley knew behind all his bluff and anger there was a hidden truth. Even then, Nathan Scott was very mysterious. His anger was mysterious but she knew it ran deep in his bones._

_She knew he had a lot of anger built up from his past, but she didn't know how much until now. He was shut down from the outside world. He hid behind this ass hole persona to cover up his feelings. His fury was at its last straw. And unfortunately he was taking it all out on her. At least she knew every bad thing coming out of his mouth wasn't because of her. It was because of that very corrupt reason he took the drugs…his father._

_In the past year, things with Nathan and Haley had been awful, especially when Nathan made the big move to Los Angeles to run one of his father's Investment Management Companies. He had given up basketball and his scholarship because his father needed him. He decided to continue his education through distant learning courses from Columbia. When he first moved to LA things weren't bad, but as soon as Nathan started hanging around the wrong people, he started dabbing around with drugs. _

_After accepting and realizing he had a problem, Nathan finally sought help. Haley had lied to her father and grandmother, telling them she was going to be a counselor at church camp over the summer, but instead she was in Los Angeles taking care of Nathan. She was seventeen years old taking care of a twenty year old drug addict that she was hopelessly in love with. She refused to give up on him. She knew he could beat his addiction. He was stronger than a lot of people gave him credit for. _

_Nathan threw an empty glass vase against the wall waking Haley from her thoughts. She flinched._

_His breathing was erratic and he stumbled back against his leather couch, sinking down into it._

_Haley walked slowly next to the chair by the couch and sat down, nothing but silence amongst them. Nathan started to shiver so Haley instinctively grabbed for the blanket lying on the side of the couch. She kneeled in front of him and put it on him, then slowly rubbed the sides of his arms to hopefully keep him warm._

_"It's okay Nathan, everything will be okay." She promised. When his shivering stopped, she began to move away, but he grabbed her hand to stop her. His cobalt turbulent eyes opened, and he was suddenly gazing into her big brown peaceful ones. Without saying a word Haley knew what he wanted to say. So she moved herself on the couch sitting Indian style while facing him._

_After a few minutes of stillness Nathan spoke, "I don't want to hurt you." He muttered. Their solitary weakness was each other._

_"I know, it's okay, you slipped…you're not the first person that's going through this."_

_"I know but I… I don't know what came over me." He said weakly. "I can't do this to you…it's not fair, I don't deserve you…" He whispered brokenly. _

"_Hey, I chose to be here." She whispered with a soft smile, clutching has hand. "I love you, do you love me?" _

"_Of course I do" He breathed out. _

"_Okay then that's all that matters." _

"_I would never— "_

_"Beat me up? I know." She smiled._

_"I'm sorry for threatening you."_

_"Oh its fine I could have totally taken you anyway." She joked. Nathan chuckled then his face grew serious._

_"I just want to be better for you."_

_"You mean feel better?"_

_"__That too." __Haley thought about what he said and nodded her head in understanding. _

"_Come on let's get you cleaned up." _

_That summer, Haley realized she would love Nathan Scott unconditionally. Was it a bad thing? Probably, but wherever this profound devotion took her, she refused to be scared of the outcome. _

"We've decided to get married on New Year's Day in Italy. Clay and I talked it over with our families and since the wedding is just a few days after Christmas, we figured we might as well spend Christmas at your family's Villa. So tell whatever jobs you have lined up in December that you need those days off. Oh, and let your boy toy Julian know"

"Well hello to you too, Brooke." Haley voiced walking into Brooke's renowned clothing boutique. Brooke had created a line called _B. Davis_ nearly five years ago that became an instant sensation in New York. She didn't have a chain of stores like most well known brand names, instead she had two eminent ones, a clothing store located in downtown Manhattan where Soho fashion boutiques resided and one on Fifth Avenue, the world's most expensive shopping streets in the world. They were currently at her store on Fifth Avenue.

"Erica, will you please put the purple studded asymmetric dress with the patent platform ankle boots on the manikin…that V neck cocktail dress has been there for over a week, and we're supposed to change outfits on each manikin every week." Brooke said walking passed her employee who was behind the counter. "How was the photo shoot?" Brooke asked Haley handing her a tall nonfat latte from Starbucks.

"Thank you, it was long...but overall it went well. Jean Pierre had me shoot pictures in Park Avenue for his new magazine that's coming out next spring." Haley said taking a sip of her hot latte. "Hmmm, this is soo good and needed."

"He's like the gay male version of Oprah. Next thing you know he'll be coming out with his own talk show. Okay, so you don't have any jobs lined up in late December early January do you?"

"As of now—no, but if any come up, I will be sure to tell them I can't even though that's my source of rent money."

"Haley, when are you going to accept and acknowledge the fact that you are a trust fund baby, meaning if you really needed rent money or money for anything you could just get it from there"

"I don't want to take money that I didn't work hard to get."

"God, you're too virtuous and admirable for your own good." Brooke chuckled. "So how's producer boy toy doing?"

"He's okay, I talked to him this morning…I don't think he'll be able to make it to your wedding though, he's filming a new movie in London…" Haley said sitting on the comfy red love seat.

"He can take a plane…it's only a two hour flight. He can be at the wedding for a few hours then fly back to London. I'm sure they don't need him there twenty four hours a day." Brooke said hanging one of her trademark _B. Davis_ dresses on a hanger. "Millie!!" Brooke shrieked scampering over to the cashier's counter.

The young woman came scurrying out the back, "Yes Brooke"

"Did you do inventory yet?" She said rampaging through a few documents from behind the counter.

Millie nodded, "Yes, I turned the paperwork into Victoria earlier this evening"

"That's why I love you Millie. You're always on top of things" She smiled, "Why don't you take the rest of the evening off."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, Katie and Erica can go through the rest of the boxes in the back"

"Okay, thanks Brooke." Millie smiled grabbing her purse from behind the counter.

"See you later…bye Haley." She waved before walking out the large thick glass door.

"Bye Millie"

Brooke walked back over to Haley and sat down next to her, "So, you haven't mentioned anything about your brother's best man since he arrived last week"

"What is there to mention?" Haley said sipping her latte.

"Um I don't know the fact that he's still here…You know the only reason he's staying in this city is because of you…"

"Nathan and I are over and have been for a while. He's staying because he has business to attend to and…he's probably waiting for you and Clay to tell him wedding details."

"Oh, don't be in denial, wedding details can be said over the phone…he's definitely staying for you."

Haley stood up and sighed, "I—he came by my apartment."

"When?!"

"The day Julian left…he told me he still loves me..."

"And you didn't tell me this earlier because…." Brooke stood up, placing her hands on her hips.

Haley shrugged, "Nathan plays games…that's all. I didn't want to make a big deal about it."

"I love Nathan, but he's such a selfish ass hole, I told him to stay away from you at my engagement breakfast and his stupid ass didn't listen."

Haley sighed, "Brooke I don't need you to fight my battles for me."

"I don't want to see you get your heartbroken again Haley, especially by the same person who broke it the first time."

"In order for him to break my heart again, I'd have to give him the opportunity and that will never happen" She stated confidently walking over to a rack full of different tops.

"I swear him and Clay are just alike, both stubborn and self-centered at the worst times. I don't understand how he can say he loves you, but sleep around with every woman in New York while he's here."

Haley flinched at Brooke's words. She couldn't help the sharp pain that reached her heart, at the thought of Nathan sleeping with other women, "That's why I said he's playing games again, he doesn't love me. They're just words to him. He probably just wants to see if he still has an effect on me. Remember he's immature like that." Haley said picking up a cashmere cable-knit cardigan. "This is really cute, how about a family discount?" She raised her eye brows with a smile.

"I'll think about it. So, does he?" Brooke asked.

Haley immediately shook her head, "No way, the damage is done." She said placing the sweater back on the rack.

"Are you sure Hales? It's okay if he does…Nathan was a huge part of your life for a very long time…he was your first everything and--- "

"I really don't want to talk about this, I have to go." Haley said walking over to where Brooke was seated and grabbing her purse. "Thanks for the coffee."

"Haley…"

"I'll call you tomorrow, we'll do lunch or something and talk more about the wedding. I'm sure there are plenty of details we need to go over." She said walking toward the door.

"Okay" Brooke relented. "Call me tomorrow." There was no point in arguing with Haley, she was just as stubborn as her brother. Brooke knew that Haley still had feelings for Nathan. Deep down she knew that it wasn't over between them no matter how much Haley denied it. Brooke had hoped her words would stick to Nathan, but she knew they wouldn't. Nathan never listened to anyone when it came to the Haley situation. It didn't hurt to try though. However, she also knew one day it would blow up in his face, and the outcome would merely be turbulent, especially if and when Clay found out…_it was only a matter of time._

~*~

He ran a tattered hand over his face, trying to sway in his emotions. He had to keep it together, he couldn't break down now. It would all just be disguise… because Nathan Scott never cried, he never showed emotions.

There he was, alone, sitting in a small Blues night club, just a few miles from his hotel splurging on alcohol. Nathan had always truly loved Blues music, that's one thing many people didn't know about him—that is except Haley. Years ago, when he lived in New York, he found this old hole in the wall night club that he'd escape to when he needed to get away.

The small intimate night club was gloomy and shadowy, the precise way he felt. The dim light above him was flickering, as if it were going to stroke any minute. Blues music was playing from the live band on the small stage, smoke scattered throughout the air. He continued to drink his 6th beer. Yet he wasn't drunk. The small cabaret was chaotic, people laughing, smiling; generally having fun everywhere he turned. But he wasn't happy, he wasn't laughing or smiling. He was pissed off, he was sad, but most of all he was angry.

Alcohol was supposed to help, but it didn't. He wanted to pray for a miracle, he wanted to pray for happiness, but he couldn't even talk to the man upstairs. He went to church every Sunday when he was little before he took the road of self destruction as teen, and now he still didn't see the point. Haley had always tried to get him to attend church. However, he always made an excuse why he couldn't go. Sure he had money. He had luxurious houses and cars all over the world. He had everything material wise that people dreamed of. But he still believed there was nothing good in his life, he pushed it all away. He convinced himself that he had never been in love, that no one could reach his heart. He pushed away every woman after Haley that tried to get to his heart.

Nathan sat there in silence just listening to the contentment around him. He didn't feel that way. It appeared that everything that he had hope in, conveyed downfall with it. His trust was gone, his tenderness had dwindled, everything had fallen down.

He was _26_ years old, bitter, and lonely.

He thought back on his childhood. He had always been the golden child to Dan and Karen Scott. His father made him feel that nothing he did was ever good enough, but his mother beloved her middle child, they always had an obvious connection, so unique that words couldn't describe. He was captivating, he had charm. He was the guy that every girl wanted and every guy envied. He was mysterious, and that's what kept people guessing.

"Another one" Nathan muttered to the bartender. The old man shook his head and handed him another opened beer.

"Thank you everyone for coming out on this cold winter night. We're going to slow it down a little and bring out one of the most gifted and beautiful ladies I know…she's amazing—please welcome_ Elizabeth_" The man spoke into the microphone. Everyone around clapped their hands in unison. Nathan continued to stare at the TV in front of him gulping the beer. He heard the people around him clamorous, giggling, and verbalizing. Then he suddenly heard silence, if silence has a sound. He swigged the last of his beer then turned his head around to see what everyone was entranced with.

He couldn't really see, the smoke was blocking the stage and the lights grew fainter. He turned back around and demanded another beer. Just then he heard the most angelic voice coming from the stage behind him. He stopped his motion and slowly turned his body around to see a silhouette of a woman singing the most sacred melody he had ever heard. He knew that voice… He tilted his head to the side and as the light finally shined down on her, he was shocked to see Haley, _his_ Haley. She had a little black dress on that hugged every curve on her body as her medium length auburn hair was in its natural curly state, a red rose tucked behind one ear. What was she doing singing at a bar?

"She's breathtaking isn't she?" The bartender uttered to Nathan, but he didn't say anything he just listened, admired, and observed her.

_These arms of mine  
They are lonely, lonely and feeling blue  
These arms of mine  
They are yearning, yearning from wanting you_

She looked so damn sexy, he watched as she moved her voice so freely to the sound of the instruments playing behind her. The way her head swayed back and forth to the feel of the music, the way she caressed the microphone with her fingers. She seemed so comfortable. She definitely wasn't shy anymore. She closed her eyes as she let the words flow out her mouth. She moved her hips and her shoulders to the beat of the Blues piano and other instruments.

_And if you would let them hold you  
Oh, how grateful I will be  
These arms of mine  
They are burning, burning from wanting you  
These arms of mine  
They are wanting, wanting to hold you_

_And if you would let them hold you  
Oh, how grateful I will be  
_  
She raised one eye brow, and walked seductively around the club. The blurred light following her every move. She looked Nathan's way and for a moment she appeared shocked as their eye's met, but she didn't stop singing. He didn't move, he merely listened and gazed in recognition.

_Come on, come on baby  
Just be my [man], just be my lover, oh  
I need me somebody, somebody to treat me right, oh  
I need your [manly] loving arms to hold me tight  
And I...I...I need...I need your...I need your tender lips__  
_  
After she sang her last word she blew a small kiss to the audience then walked back on the stage.

She took her bow then gracefully walked to the back as everyone clapped.

Nathan turned around to the bartender as the lights grew brighter, "How long has she been singing here?"

"For a couple years now, she sings mostly every Friday. I just started working here, but she's a real sweetheart. She doesn't really talk to anyone, she just sings. I guess that's her way of verbalizing. Let me tell you, she's one of a kind."

"I can tell." Nathan muttered looking at the stage she was previously on as the band started playing a new song.

"Hey Alfie can I have the usual." A feminine voice spoke softly. Nathan looked beside him to see Haley standing there.

"Sure, anything else?" The other bartender asked.

"No thank you." She smiled. He handed her 'the usual' which was a club soda.

"What are you, under age?" Nathan uttered, the edges of his mouth turning up into a small grin.

"What are you? A drunk moron who gets smashed so you personally won't feel any pain of fault." Nathan didn't say anything he just swallowed another savor of his beer. The sad thing was, she was right. "I thought so." She sat in the chair next to him. "Are you following me?" She turned to look at him.

"You're a little high on yourself_ Elizabeth, _using your middle name is a nice touch…" He smirked, "It's funny how this used to be one of the places we'd go to be alone. I'd pay the bouncer to get you in because you were under age." He smiled at the memory, "And now you sing here…that's a coincidence. If I remember correctly, you only sang in front of me."

"Things change, people change." She didn't look at him. She just gazed ahead at the TV.

"Does your _boyfriend_ know you're singing the Blues?" He took a swig of his beer. He hated Julian from the moment he laid eyes on him. He didn't know him, but he could tell right away he didn't like him.

"No one knows" She muttered, "Look…don't say anything to anyone about this."

"Together we have a lot of secrets Haley." Nathan gulped his beer.

Haley rolled her eyes, "Just please don't say anything." Nathan couldn't help but stare at her lips. The red rose colored lipstick that seeped desire.

"I won't" He said defeated turning his head to look at his beer. She was exquisite and humble, which made him want her even more, "You know Hales. Secrets are made to be found out with time"

"You would know, wouldn't you" She shot back.

He chuckled lightly, "Anybody singing the Blues is in a deep pit yelling for help. You're miserable Haley. You still can't even be yourself around your own family. You still pretend. You're still living a double life, even with me not in it…its pathetic actually, after all these years Haley Elizabeth James can't seem to show her true self."

Haley wasn't surprised by this. She knew Nathan's mechanism of defense was to attack. Yet, she refused to play into his immature game. She refused to give him a reaction. So she stood up from her seat.

"Thanks for the soda Alfie, I'll see you next week."

"Here you go" He handed Haley her black coat.

"Thanks" She smiled at him and with that she walked away. Nathan turned his head to follow her action. She didn't look back she just swayed out the club saying a few goodbye's on her way.

Nathan reached in his pocket pulling out his wallet. He placed a hundred dollar bill on the counter then stood up grabbing his coat. He hurriedly walked out the club putting his coat on. He noticed Haley walking down the sidewalk so he ran to catch up to her, "Haley!" She didn't turn around, she merely kept on walking. "Haley!" He called again as he finally caught up to her.

"What?!" She spun around, "What do you want Nathan?"

"I'm sorry for being an ass."

"You're always an ass!" She voiced angrily.

"I know I –"

"You shouldn't even be drinking Nathan! You're a recovering addict!"

"Haley, you know I have a high tolerance...I'm not even drunk"

"That's nothing to be proud of Nathan you—No, I can't do this. I'm not going to care anymore. If you want to send yourself to an early grave, be my guest. You're not my concern anymore." She tried to convince herself as she began walking away.

Nathan grabbed her hand and pulled her into the alleyway. "What are you doing? Dark alleys are very unsafe and—"

Nathan touched her cheek, "Thank you" He whispered.

"What for?"

"I never said thank you for taking care of me…so thank you."

Haley looked down, "I'm in love with Julian Nathan."

"Come to my hotel tonight Haley." He ignored her proclamation.

She stepped away from him, "I'm not one of your sluts. I have a boyfriend"

"I just want to talk" He promised.

"Well, I don't." She said stubbornly. "Why can't you just leave me alone?"

"Because…_I can't_" He didn't know how to explain it, he just couldn't let go.

"Don't start something you can't finish Nathan." She uttered. He stepped closer and freely intertwined their fingers. Nathan leaned down and kissed her softly on the forehead. She was getting lost in him and she couldn't help it.

"Stay with me tonight Hales" Nathan whispered huskily in her ear. He had never wanted someone so much until he met Haley. He honestly needed her and having her close to him made everything so much better.

Haley put her hand on his chest and gently pushed him away. Nathan closed the space between them wrapping his arms around her waist.

"You can't do this to me again" She whispered weakly standing still. She wanted to move, but she couldn't.

"Stay with me tonight Haley…" He whispered again cupping her face and passionately looking in her eyes.

She opened her mouth to speak, but before Haley could say another word, Nathan's lips crashed upon hers in an impatient kiss. She impulsively responded as he pulled her closer to him.

The kiss was beginning to intensify as he backed them into the brick wall. Their hands roaming, their tongues battling for control, their bodies aching with desire. Suddenly Haley pushed him away.

"We can't…." She said her breathing erratic as she ran a hand through her curls.

"Haley…." He grabbed her hand and dragged her back against him, while she made no effort to stop him. He encircled her with his arms, and clasped their hands together.

She paused, staring up into his entrancing blue eyes with hesitation. "Nathan I ---"

"Whatever this is, I want it Haley. I want you, even if it has to be a secret again." He said just above a whisper.

She opened her mouth to speak, but stilling her, Nathan lowered his mouth and slowly yet passionately kissed her. His mouth applied a fusion to hers that sealed them simultaneously. His tongue was determined, but not invasive. It infiltrated progressively and succulently.

Echoing the impassioned resonance that pulsated in his throat, Haley kissed him back with the same enchantment, the reserved voice in her head reiterating the same hymn from earlier. She knew she should walk away, but she couldn't. Her mind and body wouldn't let her.

Her brain was in over drive and she couldn't bear the logical thoughts that ran through her mind. Haley's eyes swiftly opened and she angled her head back while slowly trying to move away. "We can't...."

"Shhh" He whispered enticingly into her ear. Haley closed her eyes to the feel of his breath against her skin. Nathan softly stroked her cheek with his hand looking into her eyes the whole time. He noticed the tears in her eyes waiting to descend. Nathan softly kissed Haley's temple, hoping to relieve the overall fear that plagued her intellect. He rested one of his hands on the side of her neck as his thumb traced circles on her soft smooth cheek.

Haley closed her eyes and placed her hand on Nathan's heart while she listened and inhaled the strong scent of his cologne_. God,_ _she missed him._ Nathan cupped her face, tilting her head up as he leaned in to kiss her once more.

She pushed his chest again, "I don't love you anymore. I love Julian." And with those words, she ran away from him, just like he did to her years ago.


	7. Chapter 7

**Passionate Awakening**

Chapter Seven

_I tell you everything that is really nothing, _

_and nothing of what is everything, _

_do not be fooled by what I am saying._

_Please listen carefully and try to hear_

_what I am not saying. __**~Charles C. Finn**_

_She had been sitting in her father's library for nearly three hour's now reading. The fireplace was lit and she attempted to listen to classical music, but her brother was throwing a massive party, with rap music blaring frustratingly through the walls, overpowering the sweet melody of Beethoven. Her father had been gone on a business trip leaving her and Clay alone for the weekend. Clay of course decided to throw a party against Haley's better judgment. It seemed as if half of New York's socialite teenagers were in attendance as Haley watched the rowdy teenagers arrive from the upstairs library window. Clay asked if she wanted to join the festivity, but Haley politely declined. She didn't see the point in being mixed up in a __night of drunken debauchery. Beer-saturated floors, strange odors, loud obnoxious drunks, and random sultry teenagers grinding to hip-hop were not precisely her depictions of fun__. She was the girl who would rather sit at home, watch an old movie, and read timeless novels._

_Just then, Haley heard the door open. She glimpsed her brother's best friend shutting the door quickly behind him, as he leaned against the cherry wood letting out a deep strained breath. Haley couldn't help but notice how relieved he looked._

_Nathan opened his eyes to see Clay's little sister gazing at him from the loveseat across from the fireplace, "What are you doing in here?"He muttered defensively with furrowed eye brows. _

"_Uh, I live here so generally that means I'm allowed to be in any room of this house." She stated coolly. _

"_Right—stupid question…uh…isn't it past your bed time?" _

"_What can I help you with Nathan?" Haley asked ignoring his last question. "If you're inebriated looking for a bathroom or Clay's room, you might want to take a detour. This is the library" She drew out slowly and sarcastically._

"_Uh, I'm not drunk and um, actually…well, do you mind if I just sit in here for a little while?" He asked walking toward where she was seated Indian style with a red blanket over her lap. _

"_Did Clay send you in here to babysit me?"_

"_No" Nathan stated sitting on the burgundy rug, his back against the other sofa adjacent from where she was seated._

"_Then why do you want to sit in here of all places?" _

"_It's the only place in this house that I know no one will find me" _

_Haley didn't respond she merely nodded and looked back down at her book. Nathan Scott was definitely a mystery. As far as she knew he was the life of the party so Nathan Scott 'hiding' was undeniably a surprise. He had what every guy wanted, girls falling at his feet. Every time she had seen him at their family's famous galas and 'important' dinners, he always had a different girl on his arm. Her father loved and treated Nathan like his own son, always including him on a family outing and never missing Nathan and Clay's basketball games. Everyone loved Nathan. He was charming, cocky, outgoing, athletic, and smart. He was the guy that had it all…_

_After a few seconds of silence he spoke again, "I'm surprised you're not at your grandparents." _

_Haley chuckled lightly, "Me too, but they're in Hawaii for a few weeks and since school is back in, I couldn't go"_

"_And without them here, you're still a consummate good girl," He smirked, "Why aren't you out there partying with everyone else?" Nathan asked. _

_She looked up from her book with a faint smile, "I'm not the partying type."_

"_Oh right, I almost forgot, you're the church going good girl type." Yep, he never seemed to amaze her, just like Clay, as quickly as he could be charming, he could be smug and judgmental. _

_But she was never one to let that slide, "And you're the conceited ill-mannered party hard till I wake up in morning next to a girl I don't remember type" She crossed her arms curtly over her chest. She wasn't in the mood to deal with his pompous attitude. She already dealt with her brother and that was enough for a lifetime. _

_Nathan raised his eye brows as a small smirk graced his perfect lips. He wouldn't admit it out loud, but he was taken aback and slightly turned on. "You're right." He said looking in the fireplace. _

"_No sarcastic come back?" She asked rather shocked._

"_Would you like one?" _

"_No." She said simply looking back down at her book. "Out of curiosity, why aren't you out there— if I'm right."_

"_You know curiosity killed the cat" He smiled. _

"_Well good thing, I'm not a cat."She smiled back at him. _

_Nathan chuckled, "The whole party scene gets old after a while. I don't feel like pretending tonight"_

"_Pretending? What do you mean by that?" _

"_You are very nosey Miss Haley James" He smirked. _

"_I've been told" She smiled tilting her head to the side. "Then again, you are too."_

"_True" He agreed. _

"_So what are you tired of pretending to be Nathan Scott." _

"_Well, Miss Haley James, I'd rather just sit here in silence if you don't mind." _

"_Not at all" She said looking back down at her novel and flipping to the next page. _

_A lengthy few minutes had passed as Nathan and Haley separately kept to themselves, Haley reading, Nathan playing a poker game on his phone. The music and people from outside seemed to get louder and louder as time went by. Haley was shocked her high class neighbors didn't call the cops yet. Then again, Clay got away with everything. _

_Every once and a while, without her knowledge, Nathan glanced at Haley from the corner of his eye. She was mature for a fifteen year old. She was more mature than he and Clay combined and they were three years older. __There was something intriguing about the youngest James. Since she moved to New York four years ago, she stayed confined in her room whenever they had company, which Nathan assumed wasn't by choice. _

_When she was younger, you never saw her running outside with kids her age. She was the kid admiring the outside world from her closed upstairs window. When Nathan came over to play basketball he would see just that. And sometimes he would look up and wave for her to come down, but she would frightfully back away or her grandmother would fiercely close the pale pink window curtains._

_Catherine James always had her grand-daughter on some month long trip around the world, ever since her daughter Lydia had moved to a different country. She felt as if it were her duty to take care of Haley. When Grandma James was at the James household, Clay didn't want to be there listening to her preached the Bible, so instead, he was always at the Scotts. He didn't talk much about his grandmother, except that she was always on his case about going to church and rinsing his mouth out with soap. However, Clay did speak plenty about his sister; he had her on a pedestal just like most people did. Just like his mother did, just like his father did. Nathan understood though, he had his own baby sister on a pedestal. _

_She was always well-mannered and courteous, every time they crossed paths, she'd say a polite hello, but never really engaged in conversation. As the years went by, she hung out with her grandmother's church friends. She was always with her grandmother, always volunteering at some homeless shelter, always at bible study, always away from her home, away from the reckless, unruly and carefree lifestyle that Nathan and Clay had become accustomed to. She was different from every rich girl he had known. She had a mysterious innocence that fascinated him, that made him want to know more. She was so simple, yet so complicated to figure out. He had always wondered if she chose to be the way she was or if she felt obligated, like him. _

_This was the first time they had been in such close proximity of one another with no one around, but she didn't seem nervous. He didn't know whether to be happy or merely leave, so he just stayed where he was. _

_She wasn't paying him any attention, which was rare. Girls were always all over him, they always flaunted themselves on him, but not her. It drove him crazy sometimes to know that he didn't have an effect on her like he did most women. She never blushed or showed any interest when they were around one another. For instance, tonight, she had on a gray sweatshirt, her hair thrown up in a messy bun, with no hint of makeup evident on her face. Yet, she didn't care, she wasn't trying to hide her face, she was just herself. _

_He tore his eyes from the game on his phone and looked at the large burgundy bible centered upright above the fireplace, "You believe in God?" He stated yet asked. He didn't know why he even attempted to start conversation after telling her that he wanted to sit there silently. He knew he should probably go back to the party, but being around Haley was different, she was different. Something inside him really wanted to hear her voice again, even if he already knew the answer. _

_She looked at him in confusion and nodded without uttering a word. _

"_Why?" He inquired. _

"_Because…I just do" She barely shrugged. _

"_I don't." He merely stated. _

_After a few seconds of silence, she spoke, "Why?" She should've just kept her mouth shut, but a part of her was once again, curious._

"_Because…I just don't" He somewhat mimicked her answer. _

_Haley didn't know what to say or how to respond. She couldn't help but be biased and wonder how someone couldn't believe in God; then again, her beliefs were imbued in her ever since she gained the ability to comprehend words. She was taught that God's path was the only righteous path. Her grandmother always told her not to associate herself with people that didn't have the same faith, for they would only try and bring her down. On the other hand, her grandmother wasn't there to dictate her actions or tell her to shy away from non-believers calling them sinners. She was finally able to have her own voice, but now that she had it…she didn't know what to say… _

"_What? Does talking about religion scare you?" He smirked. _

"_I just…No, I just don't think…What can I really say, you don't believe in God, I'm not going to try and change your belief."_

"_Why not, I thought that's what believers do?" _

"_Well, I'm not that type of believer." _

"_What kind of believer are you?" _

"_The kind that doesn't push her beliefs on others, look, to be completely honest, I really don't feel comfortable talking about this topic with you. Our outlooks are obviously different, there's no sense –" _

"_I was raised Christian like you and Clay, but as I got older, the more it was instilled in me, the more I stopped believing" Haley didn't say anything. She just looked at him oddly. "To some people some things have to be seen in order to be believed. I never saw anything, so I stopped believing…" _

"_That's where faith comes into play…" _

"_Faith means not wanting to know what's true." _

"_Faith is reason grown courageous and a passionate intuition." _

"_Faith is a load of crap" _

"_If you don't have faith, fear and doubt take over and that's when negative thoughts occur."She disputed._

"_As we grow older, it becomes difficult to just believe. It's not that we don't want to, but too much shit happens that we just can't. You'll learn that as you grow older" He winked at her. _

"_I believe faith is a deliberate confidence in the character of God whose ways you may not understand all the time, but its knowledge within the heart, beyond the reach of proof." _

"_So long as there are earnest believers in the world, they will always wish to punish opinions, even if their judgment tells them it is unwise and their conscience tells them it is wrong."_

"_Walter Bagehot, pretty much the founder in England of political psychology and political sociology." Haley stated with a smile. _

"_He had great quotes." _

"_The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do…that's my favorite quote from him." She stated shyly. _

"_That's a good quote." _

"_I think so." She slightly smiled looking down. _

"_You're wise beyond your years Haley James. And here I thought you were shy and reserved" Nathan smiled. _

"_I'm an old soul trapped in a young girl's body, that's what my father always says." _

"_I wouldn't say you have a young girl's body." He smirked. _

_Haley rolled her eyes playfully, "Why don't you go hang out with your friends. I'm sure they're probably wondering where you are. Especially Clay since you guys are practically joined at the hip half the time." She chuckled. _

_Nathan stood up from his place on the floor and sat on the couch next to her, "I don't want to go back to the party. You're interesting to talk to." _

"_I'm not that interesting." She chuckled lightly looking down._

"_You're almost as interesting as me." He smirked. _

"_Is it possible for you to be any more arrogant?"_

"_Timing and arrogance are important factors in integrity…" He smiled._

"_Arrogance diminishes wisdom" Haley challenged._

"_Early in life I had to choose between honest arrogance and hypocritical humility. I chose honest arrogance and have seen no occasion to change."_

"_The smaller the mind the greater the conceit"_

"_Yet, the world tolerates conceit from those who are willing to be pompous in order to be successful. Arrogance isn't a bad thing, only to insecure people who lack achievement."_

"_You know I'd probably be offended if it was coming from someone who actually knew me well, but because it's coming from you, I don't really take you seriously." She said closing her book. _

_Nathan smiled, "I like you baby James." _

"_Well thank you middle Scott, you really just made my night" She stated sarcastically standing up and walking toward the door. _

"_Where are you going?" He stood up as well. _

"_To watch the 'I love Lucy' marathon" _

_He hated himself for the next words that were about to come out of his mouth, "Can I watch it with you?" _

_Haley turned around surprised, "You watch 'I love Lucy?'" _

"_With my mom sometimes, but don't tell Clay or anyone, it would ruin my reputation" _

_Haley smiled, "Your secrets safe with me, but what about Clay, he's probably looking for you as we speak…"  
_

"_Clay's drunk off his ass hooking up with some slut…he's not concerned with me"_

_Haley scrunched up her face, "Eh, an image I'd rather not like to picture…but okay, you can watch the marathon with me" _

_Nathan smirked, "So we'll be alone in your room…"_

_Haley laughed out loud, "You're funny, no, I'm going to the theater room."She opened the door as the blaring music and people chatting became louder. "I'll see you in there…" And with those words she walked out the door. Nathan had a feeling that tonight was the beginning of an unattainable pursuit that would take his private thoughts and actions on a journey he'd never forget._

Nathan and Clay were currently playing golf at the Maid Stone Club in East Hampton. Brooke insisted they have a 'Boys day' because she wanted to have a 'Spa day' with Madison after trying to find the perfect wedding planner in the past week, which she did after interviewing ten different people. Clay was finally able to take a day off work and Nathan was finally able to pull away from his hectic schedule of back to back meetings and seminars. Nathan was the founder and Managing Director of the _Scott & James _Asset Management Company in Chicago, while Clay was the CEO of the _Scott & James _Investment Management Company in New York.

As soon as Nathan left Los Angeles after his stint in rehab years ago, he moved back to New York for a couple months, decided to travel the world with his inheritance money, then merely a year ago, settled in Chicago where he opened a branch of his family's business ventures. He couldn't stay in one place for too long, yet he had found a home in Chicago. He didn't know how long he'd be there, but for now it was good. He didn't have that itch to move yet. He was finally getting his life back on track. Yet, the one person missing in his life was _Haley. And it was his fault. _He knew that, but he never stopped yearning for her, he never stopped wanting to make it right.

"Haley's in London for a few days" Clay declared, effortlessly hitting the small white ball with his fairway golf club.

"Why?" Nathan asked positioning his golf club with the small white ball.

"To visit her boyfriend"

Nathan missed the follow through and turned to look at Clay. It was just a few days ago that their heated kisses had given him hope, even with her pushing him away and saying she loved another guy. He clenched his jaw in frustration, "That pussy looking guy at the breakfast? He lives in London?"

"No. He lives in Los Angeles. He's filming a movie there, he's a producer, but all his movies are a piece of shit from what I've seen. Brooke loves them though because they're mostly about romance…"

"See—a pussy. Hey, maybe he's hiding in the closet"

Clay chuckled, "He's not a real guy's guy. Every time he's here, he's joined to Haley's hip and even tags along on the girls shopping trips. My dad and I always offer to let him hang out with us, but he always declines"

"What does your dad think about him?"

"Haley's happy so my dad's happy." Nathan felt a little jealous hearing that. He knew if her father and brother knew half about his secret relationship with their precious Haley, they'd probably have him killed, even if he was a close family friend. Julian probably didn't bring drama into Haley's life. He was probably a genuinely good guy, which made Nathan dislike him even more.

"There's just something about Julian that bugs the shit out of me. He's always quoting movies, which is annoying and dorky as hell" Clay said placing the golf club in his cart bag and grabbing another one. "He's just too—perfect that's how I know something is wrong with him."

"How long have they been together?" Nathan asked the dreaded question.

"Uh, two years…I think…he didn't really start coming around till the past year."

Nathan didn't like hearing that, no one wanted to hear that the person they were still in love with was dating someone else exclusively for an extended period of time. "You should have just told her not to go if you think something is off. Stefan and I knew something wasn't right with Lily's ex …that's why he's her ex…" Nathan said positioning his driver with the white ball once more

"Yeah, but Haley doesn't listen to me. Besides man, she's an adult…she makes her own decisions. Lily is eighteen she still listens to her older brothers. The days are gone when Haley bop listened to her big bro"

Nathan squarely hit the ball as it flied straight toward the distant cup hole where the bright orange flag swayed from the wind.

"Dude, nice swing" Clay smiled.

"As always" Nathan smirked walking over to his cart and placing the golf club in it.

"This is the first boyfriend Haley's ever really brought around us. Hell, I don't even think she's dated anyone before meeting Julian. Then again she doesn't tell me shit. Sometimes it seems like she's hiding behind Julian…" Clay suddenly declared.

"What do you mean?" Nathan replied grabbing his water bottle and taking the cap off.

"I don't know…I just don't think he's the right guy for her." Nathan didn't say anything. He just gulped his water and listened to his best friend. Who was he to say anything? He couldn't agree because he obviously didn't know the guy. He didn't want to disagree because…well…he didn't like the guy upon first glance. So, instead he merely nodded his head. "I don't know maybe it's just the protective older brother speaking…"

"Usually the protective older brother is right. We're guys therefore we know other guys, if you think something is wrong with her boyfriend, then you're probably right. I've been right about Lily's boyfriends"

"I just hope I'm wrong…if he hurts her..." Clay shook his head and Nathan nodded in understanding.

"I'm the same way when it comes to Lily"

"When I see her with Julian…it makes me realize she's not a little girl anymore. That's tough for an older brother. She's grown up so much and it scares the shit out of me because I can't protect her from the world like I used to."

"I know man, but Haley's tough and she has her head on straight. She always has. I don't think you have much to worry about"

"I could say the same about Lily, but you'd still worry…"

"True, but Lily's going through that boy crazy phase so I'm allowed to worry." Nathan chuckled.

"Haley's never gone through that. So my dad and I have gotten lucky. She's always said that there's one person out there for everyone so what's the point of looking if when its right he'd come to you. Maybe she believes Julian is the one…"

"No he's not" Nathan said confidently. "I can tell and I've only seen him once"

"I hope he's not…"

Nathan cleared his throat, "So have you and Brooke decided on where you're getting married?"

"Oh yeah, I was supposed to tell you…were getting married in Italy on New Year's Day. We've decided to spend Christmas there, too. So we're staying at my family's villa. Do you have plans for Christmas?"

"Haven't really thought that far…"

"Well don't make any plans. You can stay at my family's villa with us. I'll need another guy around, with the girls going crazy over the wedding."

"Who's all staying at your family's villa? It's a pretty big estate…"

"Brooke, me, Madison...Quinn…Haley…"

"Yeah, I'll be there." Nathan said a little too quickly.

~*~

She wrapped her fingers gently around the balcony's railing taking in the view as much as she could. Julian was staying in an affluent Palatial penthouse that overlooked beautiful Westminster and the chronicled River Thames. She closed her eyes, listening quietly to the wind's melody and the haste passing of cars. She loved Central London at night, the serenity in the atmosphere, the tranquility all around; the luminosity of the cities bright lights, the sapphire and brunet clear sky.

She took a deep shaky breath trying to fight the recurrent sentiment of fear that often over took her being. She was excited, scared, nervous, doubtful… After sharing a few kisses with Nathan, she needed to see Julian. She knew it was her guilt, but she needed to feel safe again. She needed to know what was going to happen next. She needed to feel stable. With Nathan things were always unstable. He always had to be on the move. He was always running toward something, but in reality he was running toward nothing. He was always fading in and out of life because he couldn't deal with reality. Haley never knew what was going to happen next. When she was younger, it was exciting and daring, but she later realized, the inconsistency would only lead to heartbreak and disappointment.

After telling Brooke what happened with Nathan, she insisted that Haley take the next flight to London so that's what she did after calling and asking Julian who excitingly told her it was definitely all right. She didn't want to be confused, but a part of her was. She was sure that her feelings for Nathan had disappeared, but seeing him again and kissing him again, made her realize she wasn't over him. He once again consumed her thoughts. Yet, she remembered how things ended, she remembered how he broke her heart, and again it put everything into perspective.

"Hey beautiful…" She turned around to see Julian sauntering into the room with two crystal glasses in one hand and a bottle of wine in the other.

"Hey handsome" Haley smiled as she wrapped her beige cashmere sweater tightly around her body. She walked back into the room closing the balcony's white framed door to prevent the cold breeze from coming in.

Julian placed the wine glasses on the table along with the antique looking silver glass bottle. He walked over to Haley and kissed her lips tenderly. "I'm glad you're here, I missed you."

"I missed you, too. I know you're busy. I just needed to see you. " She wrapped her arms around his waist, placing her head on his heart. Julian kissed the top of her head.

"Don't be sorry baby. I'm never too busy for you, I'm actually glad you made the trip. I was going crazy without you"

"Me too" She lied. Julian was safe. He's what she needed from a man. She always knew what to expect and that's what made their relationship secure. "I see you brought _Chateau Lafite 1787_. Where the heck did you get it, that wine is like thousands of dollars…." Haley began to protest.

"I know but it was free." Julian shrugged walking over to where he placed the bottle and glasses, "There is no chance in hell that I would spend my money on this." He popped open the expensive bottle and poured the burgundy liquor into the crystal glasses. He handed one to Haley holding the other in his hand.

"Hmm, that smells so good." Haley sighed inhaling the intoxicating grape aroma. "So what, did you come with this amazing already furnished penthouse?" She chuckled.

"Actually, one of the actresses I'm working with sent it to me yesterday as a thank you"

"And what actress might that be?"

"Alex Duprey…"

"Wasn't she in like rehab or something just a few months ago?"

"Yeah, this is her come back film."

"Oh, well, comebacks are always good. Maybe you can introduce me to her tomorrow. Okay, so I need to ask you a question" She said moving to sit on the comfy king sized bed.

"Okay…" He said following her.

"I know you're really busy with the movie, but Brooke and Clay are getting married in Italy on New Year's Day and we're all going to be spending Christmas out there, so I was wondering if you would be able to make it. We'd be staying at my family's villa"

"I don't know babe, it all depends on production" He said placing his glass on the nightstand and sitting next to her.

"I knew you'd say that…" She rolled her eyes. "I love you for working and always being productive with your work, but my brother's wedding is important to me, and I really want you to be there."

"I know and I will do my best to make it to the wedding, but I promised my dad I'd spend Christmas with him and his side of the family in Texas. Then I have to fly back here the day after Christmas. It all just depends on how far we are in filming"

Haley sighed, "Okay, I understand…"

Julian leaned over and kissed her forehead, "I have to go down to the studio again. Why don't you put in a movie, I'll be back in less than three hours." Haley nodded. This was not what she had in mind, maybe she was being selfish, but she wanted to spend quality time with her boyfriend. He had already been at work half the day when she arrived.

He stood up and grabbed a binder off the nightstand. "I love you Haley and I'm really glad you're here" He said standing in the doorway.

"Me too" She smiled, "Now go, so you can hurry back."

"Alright" He smiled then walked out the door. She looked around the large lavish room and sipped her wine. She didn't really feel like watching a movie, she was actually rather tired from the flight. She placed the glass of wine on the nightstand and took off her sweater, already in a beige silk night gown. She pulled the covers on the bed back and reached over turning off the lamp, scooting further into the bed so that her head was now lying on the pillow. She heard her cell phone ring and reached for it on the nightstand. She looked at the caller id.._. _

"Hi Clay" She said into the phone.

"It's Nathan…don't hang up." He quickly said.

"What are you doing on my brother's phone?"

"We're in East Hampton this weekend. I knew if I called you from my phone you wouldn't answer" She didn't say anything so he just continued, "Remember how you used to say there's one person out there for everyone?"

After a few seconds of silence she spoke, "Yeah…"

"Remember how you used to say that when it's right…you would just know…"

"Nathan…"

"It's always been right between us Haley…"

She closed her eyes tightly, willing the tears not to fall as she listened to his words, "It's not over between us. You know it, that's why you kissed me back. That's why you ran to the guy you claim to love…"

"You don't get it Nathan and you never did." She whispered.

"Tell me what I don't get Haley…"

"I shouldn't have to tell you. You should already know."

"I've gotten my shit together Haley…I've settled in Chicago, I opened a business…"

"But you still haven't changed. When you learn to be a man in every aspect of your life, then you'll know how to really love someone…Love isn't something you just say Nathan, sure it's a feeling, but it's something that you show, it's an action, it's about displaying that love and appreciation…but I don't know if you'll ever get that. Saying you love someone doesn't make everything okay. I'm not the same girl anymore…"

"So you want me to let you go…"

"I want you to grow up and stop being selfish. I want you to realize that it's not okay to play with people's minds and emotions…"

"Do you think Julian is the one?"

"I don't know…"

"Love is never unsure…you told me that once. And I don't think you're in love with him."

"Well think what you want, but I don't need to explain my feelings for Julian to you…"

"You politely did so many other times"

"Grow up Nathan" She closed her cell phone. She wouldn't risk it all again, she couldn't because Nathan would never understand. He had an effect on her and he knew it, but being rational and remembering the pain, Haley knew that in reality, Nathan Scott was a fire she didn't want to touch again.


	8. Chapter 8

**Passionate Awakening  
**

Chapter Eight

"_In each family a story is playing itself out,_

_and each family's story embodies_

_its hope and despair."_

Nathan paced around the large foyer in his father's mansion, while he made a few last minute phone calls. Ever since their new distribution network promptly fell through, he needed to make sure there was twice as much security around the Scott and James estates.

Things just kept getting more and more intense, and Nathan wasn't sure what he could do to stop it. It seemed their commerce became more and more unbalanced, their competitors were determined to invade and control their markets, which meant conflict. His father had directed him to do everything in his power to steer clear of making a commotion, yet there didn't appear to be any other alternative at the moment. Their enemies had to be reminded of who was in charge. Then again, whenever changes in their businesses were made, the feds started coming around more.

Nathan had hired more guards. However, there was never an adequate amount. He had grown completely paranoid, barely getting any sleep, especially with the whole Haley situation constantly on his mind. He knew he needed to open up to her, to explain why he left all those years ago. Yet, with her hiding behind Julian, avoiding his phone calls, and work taking up most of his time. It made it nearly impossible to justify his actions.

Nathan had drained himself in work, trying to wash away his troubles, but he was starting to realize his troubles would never go away unless he confronted them and owned up to his mistakes. That's part of the reason he stayed in New York. It was the place where his troubles began, the place he ran away from, and the place where he wanted his problems to end. Nevertheless, when things with his job started to turn for the worse, he consumed himself with that, giving him an excuse to avoid his haunted past.

He didn't know where or if his enemies would strike, but he didn't want to take any chances, especially since the wedding was right around the corner and both families would be in Italy for nearly two weeks. Nathan needed to make sure his family was safe. He needed to make sure the James family was safe as well. Sometimes this lifestyle was overwhelming; sometimes he wanted to get out. But Nathan knew he could never truly walk away. He could never truly start fresh, because his loyalty to his family, his loyalty to Jonathan and Clayton James, was more important.

Two and a half months ago when Nathan made that innovative corporate deal, threats were suddenly being made and the police were once again starting to question the Scott and James business transactions. They were used to it though, it seemed when the cops had nothing better to do, they were 'trying' to build a case against the Scott and James families, but most of their accusations were based upon rumors, meaning no evidence to back up their claims. Of course Dan Scott and Jonathan James had a top notch lawyer by the name of Stefan Scott—Dan Scott's oldest son. He made sure everything ran properly and smoothly without any 'impositions.'

For the past three years, Nathan and Clay became their father's right hand men, taking on major responsibilities, while letting the older men merely enjoy retirement, however still keeping them in the loop, involved in their international business trades. Although Nathan and Clay separately owned their own Investment companies in different cities, they were also in charge of other important factors that kept their empire flourishing.

There was an abrupt knock on the door and one of the guards dressed in all black, stepped inside. "Mr. Scott, two FBI agents are here that wish to speak with you."

"I'll call you back," Nathan sighed hanging up his phone as he rubbed a weary hand over his face. He didn't feel like dealing with this now, he thought his brothers took care of "the situation," but obviously not. Before he could answer, two agents pushed their way inside, stepping inside the foyer where Nathan stood, each wearing suits and carrying brief cases…something straight out of a movie.

"Mr. Scott, thank you so much for allowing us to see you." The man smiled taking off his hat.

_Agent Henderson_

Nathan knew this man all too well. He had dealt with him a few times over the years. He remembered seeing him come around when he was a teenager, way before he even got involved in this line of business. This man was personally dedicated to bringing down the Scott and James men. He was constantly sending them empty threats, determined to make their lives a living hell. He always made it known that he was watching their every move and promised that someday their secrets would be revealed and on that day he would personally bring down their whole empire.

Wherever Nathan resided in the past three years, this guy seemed to always pop up at the most random times, which had Nathan persistently wondering if that was legal.

"How the hell did you know I was here, Henderson?" He said obviously irritated.

"Do you mean here at your father's house or here in New York..."

Nathan shot him a deathly stare and Henderson simply laughed, "We have our ways..." He shrugged.

"This isn't a good time," Nathan snapped.

"No? Why not? " Agent Henderson smirked at Nathan, looking around the large foyer. Nathan knew he had to show no emotion, which he was an expert at, he had to play it cool, but that was becoming increasingly more difficult, being that this man was annoying.

"This is my new partner Agent Morrison; I'm positive you'll be seeing a lot more of him. I just wanted you to meet the other man that will be hauling your ass off to jail in the near future." Henderson said a little too smug.

"That's great, best news I've heard all day. You both can leave now." Nathan motioned towards the door, and his guard opened it. Neither one moved. "Look guys I don't have time for this shit. Nothing has changed since the last time you questioned me…"

"Why Mr. Scott you seem a little tense? Usually people get tense when they have something to hide." Henderson responded coolly.

"You can question me, you can search my hotel suite, you can search my father's estate all you want, but when it comes down to it, you're still not going to find criminating evidence or hear anything from us to build a case..." Nathan replied confidently. He loved how much power he held. He abused his power… _by choice_. He was detached, rude, and sarcastic, for one, because most people allowed him to be, two, his line of business required him to be, and three, _by choice_. He couldn't let emotion to get in the way.

From the outside Nathan Scott had everything any ordinary person could only want and dream. He had the world at his feet, yet he still dealt with inner battles every day. He may have seemed untouchable and unaffected, but it was all in the days work. If one was to ask Nathan Scott if he was truly happy, he'd probably send them his famous trademark smirk and somehow retort the question sarcastically. _Nathan Scott was a mystery._

"What do you think we're trying to find Mr. Scott—"

Clay came through the door, yet stopped dead in his tracks when he noticed two irritating familiar faces, "You guys again?" He didn't feel like dealing with this shit either.

"Ahh, Mr. James, it's so good to see you." Henderson turned around to face Clay. "We have a few questions for you as well...you saved us a trip to your place." He smirked.

"I told you to stay away from my house" Clay sternly stated clenching his jaw.

Henderson laughed, "Why— you hiding something there?" He turned back around to face Nathan and stepped a little closer to him, but his guard immediately stepped in front of him with his arms crossed and a stern expression. Henderson threw his hands up in defense, "I only want to talk…" He smiled. Nathan sighed then unenthusiastically nodded at the guard to move out-the-way.

"What do you want Henderson" Nathan gritted out his answer, his tone cold and uninviting.

"Well, I heard Clayton here was getting married." He smirked confidently turning back around to face Clay. "To Tom and Victoria Davis' little girl, right? I wonder if they know about their soon to be son in laws mysterious distribution network..."

Clay clenched his jaw, "Do you have a warrant or something to be here?"

"Greg Griffin...you know him?" Henderson's new partner finally spoke up.

"What about him?" Clay responded.

"He disappeared a few weeks back and surprisingly he worked for you guys." Henderson said.

"So..." Clay drew out slowly, walking further into the foyer.

"He was last seen leaving your brother, Tommy's club." He turned to Nathan, "He's been missing for two weeks. You can only imagine how worried his wife is..."

"Look Henderson, you have no evidence to make a case that specifically involves us..." Nathan said coolly pointing between him and Clay. "Stop trying to pin us to every little thing that seems to go wrong or every person that goes missing"

"It's a little suspicious...this being the second person within the last year that works in your guy's trade network, to go missing..." Agent Morrison stated.

Nathan and Clay didn't say anything. "What—cat got your tongue? Our file on you guys keeps growing and growing as time passes by. You see in case you forgot, we investigate bad people and illegal dealings. We investigate _mysterious deaths_ and dishonest crooks…You can't hide everything or keep everyone's mouth shut. Hell, some of your people might be working for us, why do you think we come around so much..."

"You're all talk Henderson, you probably even have a wire on you right now, but the truth is— you don't have proof to back up any of your accusations..."

"You don't know what we have..."

"Well, you can talk to our lawyer..." Nathan gritted out.

"Who? Your brother Stefan?" He laughed, "I'll give it to your father though...he's a smart man, raising and teaching his sons to guard his empire. Each having an inside job that continues to protect your secrets. Stefan a top notch lawyer—Andrew a cop. Tommy owning a night club and restaurants where most of your business meetings are held ...you guy's owning Investment companies and Lord knows what else you guys do… Wait can't forget Dan's nephew Lucas, the infamous federal agent. Oh, and _one more_ Scott that's never mentioned, he's lucky he got out early, before he got sucked in…"

Nathan was fuming by now. How dare this guy. He balled his hand into a tight fist as he clenched his jaw tightly. Clay noticed the rage in Nathans eyes and immediately stepped between him and Henderson. He couldn't allow this to get out of hand…

"It's time for you guys to get out, NOW." Clay ordered hotly nearly losing his cool.

"Don't you guys ever get tired of lying? Tired of hiding the truth?" Henderson continued.

"Time to go" Nathan regained his composure as he motioned to the door, and Henderson and Morrison headed for it.

Henderson was almost out, when he turned back around one last time. "I'm sure we'll be seeing each other again, congratulations on your engagement Clayton..." He sent Clay a derisive smile before walking completely out as Nathan slammed the door behind him. He hit the door a few times allowing his fury to liberate and subside.

"He's got something..." Nathan turned around, his body rigid with tension and anger.

"He's probably just bull shiting like he usually does..." Clay shook his head. "He likes to get under our skin, you know that…"

"I don't know what it is...but I've got a feeling that something isn't right..."

"Drew did a background check on everyone that works for us and everyone came up clean..."

"We need to be careful and double up on security, especially for your wedding. I called Max and told him to add two more guards around your place and some that will follow us to Italy..."

"Brooke's going to be pissed. She's already threatened to fire her and Madison's guard as it is--"

"Yeah, well it's for her and your daughters own safety. She can understand that"

"What about Haley? She starts a fight with me and our dad every time we attempt to set her up with just one guard—"

"Has Henderson questioned her?" Nathan cut him off, asking curiously.

"Surprisingly no, they've questioned Brooke...Quinn, Lily, but never Haley for some reason. But you know she's always kept a distance between herself and these businesses. Hell, I don't even think many people know she's a part of my family..."

"She's still a target. She should have a guard Clay, who gives a fuck if she bitches about it!" Nathan stated angrily.

"Woah, I know that! Fuck man, calm down. Henderson's got you paranoid…If you let me finish...she has a guard, she just doesn't know it"

"What?" He asked confused.

"Long story short, he keeps his distance, but he makes sure she's okay and not being followed. If Haley knew she'd try and kick my ass"

Nathan let out a deep breath, "Good...good." He could relax. "What about London...did he follow her there?"

"Yeah he did..."

"Is she back yet?" Nathan asked. Haley had been in London for two and a half weeks and that irritated him. She even spent Thanksgiving with her boyfriend's family in Texas, which Brooke announced at the infamous Scott and James Thanksgiving dinner party. Nathan knew for a fact it was to avoid him because Haley would never deliberately miss a holiday with her own family, unlike him, spending the last three years avoiding his family holiday gatherings.

"Yeah, she came back last night. She's with Brooke and Maddy right now going over last minute wedding details."

"Well, at least you know she's safe..."

Just then the front door opened and in walked his brother Drew, decked out in his cop uniform.

"Let's move to the office." Nathan said before Drew could even say a word. They all walked down the hall and once they reached the double doors, the guard opened one door, allowing them to walk in.

Sitting at the large desk was Dan Scott while Stefan Scott sat across from him going over paperwork. They both stopped their conversation and looked at the three men that walked in.

"You were supposed to take care of that situation Drew." Nathan stated angrily getting straight to the point, as he walked over to the bar area. He grabbed for a crystal glass and poured himself some whiskey.

"Do you really think you should be drinking that son?" Dan stood up. He knew about Nathans past problems. He was the one who paid for his rehab. Dan Scott may have been a lot of things. He may have made a lot of mistakes and hurt a lot of people, but no matter what, he'd always look out for his children. Especially Nathan, he knew his son resented him for many reasons, reasons he could never take back. Yet, he had too much pride to apologize. He had too much pride to admit in certain cases, he was wrong. All he ever wanted was to protect his family, to protect his name, protect the empire he spent years building with Jon. He was proud of his kids, they all turned out fine, knowing exactly where they belonged, accepting their family's complicated past, present, and future, not really engaging in too much trouble growing up, except for Nathan that is. Dan could sense how lost he was, he could sense him trying to find his truth, but he didn't know how to reach him…not many people did.

"It's one drink dad and after talking to Henderson I need it..." He said before swigging the entire thing back and setting the glass back where it was.

"What the hell was he doing here?" Dan asked sitting back down.

"That's what I'd like to know..." Nathan looked at Drew. "I thought you fucking took care of it. You said the Griffin thing was handled..."

"I did handle it" Drew spit back defensively. Although Andrew worked for the good guys, he was still a Scott and that meant protecting his family's name.

"Henderson knows something dad—he's on to us for real this time. He has something..." Nathan pressed on.

"Don't be so damn paranoid Nathan. He can't possibly know anything" Drew stated.

"Are you sure about that Andrew" Dan asked looking at his other son.

"Yes, I'm sure dad. Lucas and I took care of it"

"Well Lucas should have informed us that Henderson would be popping by..." Nathan gritted out.

"Look, everyone just play it cool...if he questions any of you, no matter how irritating he is—tell him he has to deal with me. Just keep your mouth shut and learn four important words...talk to my lawyer." Stefan stood up placing his hands in his pockets.

"If he comes to my house again and questions Brooke, especially around my daughter..." Clay shook his head. "He flew all the way to Paris to question Quinn and David."

"See, he's going out of his way to question everyone..." Nathan threw in there.

"When doesn't he, this shouldn't be a shock." Dan chimed in as he stood up again and walked around the desk, "Henderson is the least of our worries right now. He's all talk, has been for years. The only thing we need to worry about is our competition. Since there have been obvious changes in how things are being managed and since Jon and I have stepped down and Clay and Nathan have stepped up in more ways than one, we need to add more security around our properties."

"I already made the calls. There will be added guards in Italy as well, but I think it will be good to get away for a bit. It will give us time to stabilize things..."

"And enjoy the merriment of my wedding day..." Clay smirked, making light of the already tense conversation.

"Yes that too." Dan chuckled. "Your father and I will be flying out the day before the wedding. We need to take care of a few things here and make sure these threats are truly empty...you boys don't need to worry about business when you're supposed to be celebrating Christmas and getting married. Let us take care of everything else as our present to you for working so hard..." Dan Scott was retired, but never far from business.

"Thanks Dan" Clay nodded gratefully.

"I'll stay behind to help..." Nathan added.

"No Nathan, you've already extended your stay here in New York and have worked endless hours to make sure we're all safe...go to Italy when Clay and Brooke do, and enjoy yourself. Besides, Stefan and Drew will be here since they have to work anyway" Dan stated.

"Alright" Nathan relented.

"Don't worry Nate, everything is under control. If something was wrong...I would know." Drew promised.

~*~

After visiting Brooke and going over last minute wedding details, Haley decided to run a few errands. By the time she was finished it was around eight o'clock at night and she couldn't wait to go home and relax with a hot cup of tea, banana bread, and an old movie.

She fidgeted with the keys to her apartment in one hand, and a grocery bag in the other. "Okay, poise is the solution Haley…" She whispered to herself. She opened her door and stumbled inside, the brown paper bag slipping from under her arm and all the contents falling on the wooden floor.

"Great…" She whispered sarcastically. She stooped down, picking up all the scattered groceries.

"Haley Bop!!" She heard a familiar voice shriek. Haley screamed in surprise losing her balance and falling flat on her ass.

"Quinn! What the hell are you doing here?!" She managed to say looking up at her oldest sister, while her heart regained its control. She had given Quinn a key for emergencies, so she hoped this wasn't an emergency.

"I came to visit my little sister, duh." She smiled brightly helping Haley place her groceries on the counter, then pulling her into a tight hug. "I've missed you."

"Okay, real reason in two seconds." Haley said pulling away and crossing her arms. She knew Quinn all too well and Quinn always had a motive.

"Can't a sister visit her sister if she feels like it? Like I said, I missed you Haley bop. We haven't seen each other in months" She said moving over to Haley's couch and sitting down.

"Did Clay call you? Because I'd be seeing you in like a week for the wedding" Haley asked. Quinn didn't say anything. She just cleared her throat and started flipping through a gossip magazine that lay beside her.

"I talked to him a few days ago, but he did NOT influence my decision to come see you. Besides, I've been in New York since Thanksgiving and since you decided to spend that holiday with your boyfriend and not your family. I thought I'd stay a while and ask what the hell is going on with you because the Haley James I know would never purposely miss Thanksgiving with her family" Quinn said looking up from her magazine.

Haley sighed, mumbling incoherent words, while putting her groceries away. Quinn watched her little sister and couldn't help but worry. Haley was guarded, but she was tough, Quinn would give her that. Yet sometimes she wished Haley was vulnerable, especially when it came to opening up. She hated that her baby sister fought her battles alone.

"I'm a grown woman Quinn. I'm allowed to spend Thanksgiving with my boyfriend who I'm serious about…just like you rotate holidays with David's family."

More than anything Quinn wanted Haley to be happy. She wanted to see that same light in her baby sister's eyes that she had as a child, yet it faded a long time ago and Quinn wasn't sure if it was ever coming back. Quinn didn't see that light around Julian, sure he made Haley smile and he made her happy. But he didn't bring a glow to her face. He didn't make her eyes sparkle…not like a certain individual did.

"Do you want some tea?" Haley offered.

"Uh, what kind? You know I'm picky."

"Yes I know. Black tea." Haley said raising the box to show her.

"Okay, yeah. Hey, remember every Friday when we were kid's, you and me, would get all dressed up and have those fun tea parties, where we talked with British accents and acted as if we were queens from different countries. And of course you Haley bop always had to be Queen Elizabeth." Quinn smiled at the memory. "Mom would always say each cup of tea represents an imaginary voyage."

Haley continued to move around the small kitchen getting things together. When she didn't respond to Quinn's trip down memory lane, she quickly decided to change the subject…something was definitely up with Haley.

"So, Nathan is back in town, I saw him at the family gala. He seemed to be looking for you." Haley still didn't say anything, "Okay. Fine, at least tell me how work is?" She asked.

"It's going." Haley said still moving around. "Where the hell did I put those cups?" Haley mumbled angrily to herself.

"You work yourself too damn much, especially having a trust fund..."

"Can we not get into this today?" Haley stopped her motion to look at her sister with one hand on her hip.

"Well, when can we get into THIS Haley?"

"Shouldn't you be back in Paris with your husband?" Haley said handing Quinn her hot cup of tea, while placing hers on the coffee table by the couch.

"David is actually here in Manhattan on business, partly why were staying longer than expected, so I thought I'd come on over and surprise you while he does his lawyer business…stuff. We'll be heading to Italy in a week to make it for the wedding"

"How long are you guys in town for?" Haley said tossing her hair into a high messy bun.

"2 more days, we're actually looking at houses in Manhattan." Quinn said sitting Indian style.

"Wait, what?!" Haley said moving to sit next to her sister.

"Stefan's law firm offered David a better high paying position. So David asked me if I would move here and I immediately thought it was a great idea because that means I get to be closer to you and Clay…and of course the fashion here is to die for. It's a great opportunity for David and wherever he goes I go." Quinn shrugged. "And I asked Clay if I could transfer to his company, which he arranged last week and said it's ready when I'm ready"

"That's….great Quinn. I'm really happy for you guys." She smiled.

"So are we going to talk about Nathan or what?"

Haley cleared her throat, "I really don't feel like it..."

"Brooke filled me in." Quinn said taking a sip of her tea.

"Figures..." Haley said under her breath. Brooke was just as close to Quinn as she was to Haley so it wasn't a shock that she spilled the beans to Quinn probably over their many phone conversations or emails. All three of them shared everything with each other, even when one told the other not to say anything because they knew no matter what, it would stay between them. "He came alone to the Thanksgiving gala."

Haley shrugged even though she was sort of curious, "You should have seen his face when Brooke told him you were with your future husbands family..." She chuckled at the memory. "It's not surprising that he refuses to let go...how all this has gone over Clays head is something I'll never understand."

"Well, I'd consider it a good thing..."

"He probably suspected but was in denial. I remember finding out, by catching you guys in a heated make out session…how Clay never caught on to your guys sneaking around or making out, is beyond me."

"It's for the best that he didn't know. He would have freaked out…"

"And killed Nathan" Quinn smiled.

"Why didn't u freak out or want to kill Nathan?" Haley asked curiously.

"Because I saw the way he looked at you before you guys even started your love affair. It wasn't lust. It was…admiration…he would look at you like a goddess, like you were a timeless gift. So when I found you making out behind that tree at our grandparents, it wasn't a surprise and I knew for him, it wasn't just about lust. That boy was crazy for you and I could see that he truly did love you…when things ended the way they did…it was a shock…I always thought you guys would finally come out to Clay and dad and everything would work itself out…I guess I was naïve"

"We both were…" Haley said just above a whisper as she fidgeted with her fingers. She cleared her throat, "Plus it's over now so there's no sense in reliving the past."

"Not according to Nathan, he obviously still wants you"

"Well we're not kids anymore...I can't live my life waiting for him."

"I agree...I just really hope it's over, that boy put you through too much especially at a young age"

"It is" Haley promised grabbing her mug and sipping her tea.

"Don't let him play with your emotions this time…you know he's good at it."

"I know Quinn—it's okay, I'm smarter this time around."

"I hope so. Anyway, I brought movies…"

"Shouldn't you be with David?" Haley said looking at the clock on her wall.

"He's back at the hotel, but I wanted to stay the night with you…"

"Alright..." Haley said dramatically.

"Okay….now I have _Maid in Manhattan_ which totally fits the whole living in Manhattan thing. I have _Casablanca, The Notebook, Gone with the Wind_…"

"Why don't you pick the movie..." Haley concluded.

"_Casablanca_ for sure...IIsa and Rick totally remind me of you and Nathan."

"Shut up Quinn" Haley chuckled playfully hitting her with a pillow.

It was a little after two in the morning and they were now lying on Haley's queen sized bed watching the middle-end of _Casablanca_. Haley stifled a long yawn and glanced at her sister sleeping peacefully beside her. She pushed herself into a sitting position and slowly pulled the sheet off her body, placing her feet on the floor. She walked over to the television and turned off the DVD player. She heard a soft knock at the door and furrowed her eye brows in bewilderment. She could have sworn Quinn said David was staying at the hotel. She looked back at her sister who was obviously in a deep sleep and walked quietly out her room, over to the door where she looked through the peep hole, then unlocked it.

"Nathan?" She whispered in astonishment.

"Hey, uh, can I talk to you? Your brother told me you were back in the city" He whispered scratching the back of his neck looking down. Haley took a deep breath and looked back to make sure Quinn didn't get up, which she didn't. Haley stepped outside gently shutting her door. Nathan took her into view. She had on a silk yellow knee length night gown and her hair was in a high messy bun. She had never looked more beautiful.

"What are you doing here?" Haley said crossing her arms.

"I needed to ask you something?"

"Now? At two o clock in the morning? You calling me and coming by my place unexpected is really getting old."

"I want to take you somewhere?"

"Uhhh, no. We are not teenagers anymore...we can't sneak away like we used to. It's not worth it, especially now…" Haley said grimly.

"Please Hales?"

"Knowing you...you just want to get me alone so you can try and seduce me"

"No, I won't...I promise…please Haley I know that I'm a jerk. I know that I'm an ass-hole, but I want to show you something. I _need_ to show you something…"

"You do realize that trusting you is like trusting a criminal to hold my purse."

"_I trust you_." Nathan mumbled.

"What?"

"I said I trust you Haley. _More than anyone_ and deep down I know you trust me. I'm not going to kidnap you or hurt you. I just want to show you something that means a lot to me, something that I've wanted to show you for a long time. I've been seeing a psychiatrist and she told me that in order for me to move on and be completely healed, I need to be able to let go of what's been holding me back…And I thought about you...about us and our past and—"

"Nathan none of what happened matters anymore, it was a long time ago…"

"But that's where you're wrong Haley…because it does matter. It always has and always will… _please_…I'm trying here. After this, if you never want to speak to me again, if you want me to leave you alone for good…I'll finally accept…"

Haley looked at him for a few seconds really searching his cobalt eyes. She couldn't believe she was actually considering this. He was right. She knew he wouldn't hurt her. It was a gut feeling. Most people would call her crazy for what she was about to do, but most people never really experienced 'crazy' like she had. Any other person, she would have probably said no, but there was something about Nathan Scott that she trusted. That she could never turn down, especially in his honest moments. He wasn't high, he wasn't drunk…She saw in him what she saw in herself, fear. And as crazy as it sounded it made her feel safe.

"Let me change my clothes." She whispered before heading back into her apartment and closing the door.

~ * ~

"Nathan, what are we doing at a— cemetery?" Haley whispered looking around the dark chilling locality as she wrapped her black pea coat firmly around her body. Nathan didn't say anything, he just held out his hand and she hesitantly placed her hand in his. As they walked through the graveyard, Haley couldn't help but be nervous. She gripped Nathan's hand tighter without even realizing it and he slightly smiled to himself at that fact. Nathan guided them to an elevated fractured gray tombstone and stopped in front of it. Haley followed his gaze and read the tombstone.

"_Noah Royal Scott_" She whispered aloud.

"You remember Noah…_my twin brother_" Haley didn't say anything, she just nodded. She knew this was a touchy subject for him. He hadn't talked about Noah in so long. In fact, when he died, he stopped talking about him all together. His whole family never mentioned him again, neither did Clay, neither did her father. It was as if he never existed. Haley didn't even know where he was buried because she wasn't allowed to attend the funeral. Noah's death was a _mystery_. Noah's death was one reason Nathan shut down from her. It was one of the reasons he avoided dealing with reality...

Haley looked up at Nathan with worried eyes. He was a couple steps in front of her, but their hands were still joined together. She once more looked at the tombstone that read:

**In Loving Memory of**

**Noah Royal Scott**

**July 20, 1983 to December 22, 2006**

**Loving and Devoted Son**

**Generous and beloved Brother **

**Respected American Troop **

Nathan turned to look at Haley. She embraced his hand firmly as she stepped closer to his side. Haley used her other hand to soothingly rub his back.

He looked in her concerned yet truthful eyes and felt safe. She wasn't looking at him with pity. She looked at him with so much tenderness. And it was then that he relaxed and felt poised enough to finally tell her.

He at last spoke, "They say identical twins are the closest out of all twins, probably because we're natural clones of each other, sometimes impossible to tell apart. I mean when they're first created, they're one egg. Then it splits into two genetically identical halves."

"But that's how all twins are created…"

"True, but identical twins share one hundred percent of their genes, while fraternal twins share fifty percent. Fraternal twins are no more alike or different than any two siblings would be. While identical twins share the same blood type, eye color, and hair color. One in four pairs of identical twins are mirror-images of each other. Noah and I were like that." Haley gently rubbed his arm and he continued, "I read somewhere that many sets of twins have a special bond – and that may be the reason twins are less likely to commit suicide. The researchers said that strong family ties reduce the risk for suicide. According to the article, the strongest risk factor for suicide is mental illness, and other studies have found mental illness to be slightly more common among twins than among singletons…."

Haley rubbed his back with her hand for assurance, but she could still see the uneasiness on his face. After a few seconds of silence, Nathan continued, "I remember my senior year of high school I was so focused on basketball and getting a full ride to Duke that I forgot about my academics. The Friday before finals week, my counselor said that if I didn't pass my finals, I couldn't play basketball anymore. I hadn't studied so I was pretty much screwed in all my classes. Noah knew how our dad would kick my ass if I didn't play anymore so on the day of finals…he dressed like me, combed his hair like mine, shaved, took out his piercings, covered up his tattoos with my long sleeved Nike jacket, and went to school that day as me. I stayed home pretending to be him sick in bed." Nathan chuckled thinking back on the memory.

"He never wanted the lifestyle I have now. He never wanted to work for my dad...he was _good_ just like you."

"He went to my bible study meetings…" Haley said.

"Yeah and he was always saving my ass, especially when Clay and I would get into trouble. He always wanted to make a difference in this world. He wanted to be a hero. I remember the day he signed his intent to be in the military. He asked me to sign up with him, but I wasn't that passionate about our country to be a hero. The president declared war and the next thing I knew. Noah was shipped to Iraq. It happened so fast…"

"I remember…"

"Sometimes I would wake up in the middle of the night from a bad dream or an intuition about all the torture and agony my brother was going through. I—I felt all his pain and fear and for the first time I wasn't there to help him through it. I wasn't there to save him. Our connection and bond was strong to begin with, but during the time we were apart, it grew stronger. Noah and I had never really been apart except with the different cliques that we hung out with in high school. And as cheesy as this may sound, it was a scary feeling.

When he came home, he wasn't the same person anymore. He was lost and broken. People called him crazy, but I—I knew the only reason he was dispirited was because I let him down as a brother and friend."

"Oh Nathan, don't say that…" Haley tried.

"It's the truth. He didn't even want to talk to me when he could make contact to family and friends." Nathan shook his head, sorrow in his voice. "When he went to that mental hospital for a few weeks, he tried to commit suicide numerous times. I came to the conclusion that I was the only one who could rescue him because that's what we did when either one of us was in trouble. So I took him out the hospital despite the doctors and my fathers and brothers protest, and we stayed at my penthouse, that's where I was always disappearing to Haley…" His voice cracked and he started to choke up.

"Nathan we don't have to talk about this all tonight." She voiced noticing the tears that formed in his eyes.

"No, no…it's the wind…I…my eyes are watery because of the wind." Nathan said wiping his eyes with the palm of his hand.

"Nathan if you can't…."

"I haven't talked about this with anyone, not even my brothers. I need to deal with this— so please just….listen." Haley simply nodded.

"You don't know how he died because my dad covered it up...but it happened 3 days before Christmas...when I left you that morning after we...after we made love for the first time... When you were sleeping I got a call from Noah, he was saying some crazy things so I went to my penthouse ....When I got there...he was standing in the living room just staring at a painting on the wall... I tried—I tried talking to him, but he ignored me. He turned around and he—he was uh, pointing a gun to his head. I'll never forget what happened."

"_Noah, please…don't do this…just…let me help you…please…just…" Nathan breathed out slowly stepping towards his brother. His heart was beating fast and his body filled with fear. He couldn't back down though, He couldn't give up. After all, they were twins. Nathan and Noah were linked together not only genetically, but mentally and emotionally forever. And nothing, not even death, could change that. _

"_Don't…don't come near me!!" Noah cried hysterically, pointing the gun at Nathan causing him to jump back in surprise. _

"_We said that we would live and die together…remember that Noah? Remember…we made that promise that no matter what. We would always be here for each other." Nathan said tears forming in his eyes. Noah closed his eyes tightly shaking his head as he pressed the gun against his temple._

_Noah shook his head frantically pacing back and forth while the gun pressed firmly against his temple. _

"_I just…I want to help Noah. I want to make everything better for you. Please, give me a chance to finally save you like you helped save me." Nathan said sincerely. _

"_I'm getting more pissed with every passing heartbeat. Yet, one can only wonder, isn't every passing heartbeat another step towards death? Are we not in this world, only so we can die? Is the only reason for living— dying? What purpose do we have, to get up every morning, to a scarred body, work, and do it all over again? Are we nothing but toys to a supposed god, moving around and doing everything he "commands"? Does this not mean that suicide is the easiest way out? People say that you shouldn't kill yourself because it's easy, well, isn't anyone who's ever cheated on anything taking the easy way out? So they really can't be saying nothing, and still not be involved with hypocrisy." _

"_Noah, just let me help you…Tell me how to help you and I will. I'll do anything. You're my other half Noah, I can't—I can't live without my twin. We were born together and we're supposed to die together…what happened to your faith…what happened to your belief in God" Nathan whispered as tears fell from his eyes._

"_We haven't done anything "together" in a long time" He muttered then disregarded his brother's words and continued, "Do we live in a world of liars and hypocrites? Or do they just keep us alive for their own well-being, if they really loved you, they'd let you go to a place where you'd be in peace. This is where hatred comes from, too many people thinking about themselves and not letting others go, making them live a life they don't want to live anymore. Or maybe, the suicidal people are the selfish ones, only thinking about themselves and trying to escape to a better place. That, my brother, is what I want to know. As for my faith it's still here…" Noah stopped aiming his gun at Nathan. Then put it down to his side as he continued pacing. _

"_You want to kill yourself? Well, you're going to have to kill me too." Nathan stepped towards him. _

_Noah laughed out loud, "This isn't some star crossed brother shit, Nathan…You have Haley, you have our fathers love…you still don't get it. We can never ever go back little brother…never. I sought my soul, but my soul I could not see. I sought my God, but my God eluded me. I sought my brother and I found all three." Noah smiled through his tears and with those finals words, the gun went off. _

"That's why I'm so screwed up Haley. That's why I left and never came back the next day...That's why I shut myself off from you...I blame myself.... And like my brother said I still don't get it. I don't get why he left me. Why he killed himself…what he was talking about. That day is a reoccurring nightmare, then I wake-up when the gun goes off …" Nathan kneeled down and touched his brother's tombstone with his hand.

"I called my dad after it happened and he blamed me for taking him out of the mental hospital…he told me to not say a word to anyone about what happened. He even paid the hospital to say Noah was there when he died…"

"But if he shot himself…"

"The report shows that Noah stole a gun from a security guard and shot himself in his room. It's all twisted Haley. Not even Clay knows the truth…"

"Oh, Nathan…I'm so sorry you had to go through that alone…" She whispered remorsefully.

Nathan finally shed the tears he had been holding in for so long. Haley kneeled down beside him and rubbed his back soothingly.

"I haven't cried since that day Haley. When my brother killed himself, he killed a part of me. A part of me died with him." He voiced candidly. "My happiness died with him and I don't know how to bring it back to life. I never meant to hurt you, but I just needed to get away..It was all my fauly..."

Tears trickled down his cheeks, but Nathan made no move to stop them. Haley didn't know what to say, so without another word she pulled him to her, placing him in her warm embrace. Nathan didn't pull away, and it was then she finally realized how helpless he really was. Behind his tough exterior, there was a little boy hiding from the outside world, yet eager to be saved. This young boy was afraid of grief, afraid of being alone and stranded, afraid of never getting the chance to really express his outlook. Haley didn't know what came over her, but suddenly she felt the urge to cry. Soundless tears swiftly fell down her cheeks, but she made no move to stop them.

She knew that Noah had died, but didn't know how he died. She didn't know Nathan was there. It was another Scott secret that they hid from the world. After three years of wondering why he left, why he disappeared...she finally got her answer. They stayed like that, entangled in each other's arms until his tears finally stopped flowing. They didn't speak for the longest time, not a word, not a sound. Whether Haley liked it or not, they were connected and always would be.

~ * ~

"And where were you?" Quinn voiced placing both her hands on her hips.

Haley jumped, "ohmigod, you scared me!" She said placing her hand on her heart.

"Where were you?" Quinn asked again.

She thought about lying, but decided against it, "With Nathan," She said, closing the door and locking it.

"It's nearly 4 am Haley." Quinn said pointing to the clock on the wall acting as if Haley was a child. "I was worried sick about you. I even called your cell phone, but realized you didn't have it when I heard it ringing on the night stand right next to me. I was contemplating calling the police." She said dramatically.

"I'm sorry." Haley said sitting on the couch and taking off her Uggs.

"I thought you said it's over..."

"It is..."

"Haley, don't let him into your heart again."

"I'm not..." She defended, "Look I'm really tired." Haley said walking down the narrow hall to her room.

"I'm just looking out for you, that's all. Sorry for trying to be a good sister."

Haley infuriatingly rolled her eyes then turned around to face her dramatic sister. "Quinn, I love you, I really do, and I'm happy that you're moving here, but I can take care of myself. I always have."

"And that's what I'm most scared of Haley bop, I know you can, but I just want you to know that it's okay to rely on other people...besides Nathan. You don't have to lie anymore…" Haley nodded her head in understanding as she got in her bed. After a few seconds of processing her sister's words, she shifted back around to face Quinn who was now lying beside her.

"I'm scared Quinny" She pouted as tears formed in her eyes.

"Of what Haley bop?"

"My feelings for Nathan...I found something out tonight that makes me re-evaluate everything...and now I don't know what to believe or how to feel. I love Julian, but I—"

"I'm going to cut you off right there. Now I'm not going to ask what you found out, I'm not going to assume or tell you what to do, but I can tell you that everything will be okay…" Quinn simply stated.

"How are you so sure?" Haley timidly mocked yet inquired; her heart thumping raucously as tears fell down her cheeks.

"Because, I have faith…" Quinn stated effortlessly. "And I know you do too. You just have to breathe and believe that whatever is meant to be…will be. You've come so far in the last few years, don't let whatever you found out, keep you from moving forward and being the strong woman I know you are" Haley exhaled grasping the tiny gold cross that hung on the thin gold necklace around her neck.

"Sleep tight Hales." Quinn muttered with a small smile.

"I'm really glad to see you Quinny…I didn't say that earlier, but I am." Haley said wiping her tears.

"I know…I'm glad to you see too little sis."

~ * ~

Nathan closed his hotel door and dropped his car keys, iphone and blackberry on the counter, then collapsed tiredly on the couch. He closed his eyes, idly wondering if it were possible to stop thinking about Haley. He came to the conclusion, no. It was impossible and unfeasible.

His fears were still there. Fears about his past, fears about his future, but he took a step towards revival when he told Haley about Noah. A subject he hadn't talked about to anyone. It felt as if a burden was lifted off his back. But unlike before, they didn't overshadow him. It didn't make him feel like running. Instead, this fear was interlaced with his equally strong desire to perceive where things with Haley went. He never really understood his feelings for Haley. And why he felt strongly towards her. There was still so much confusion and uncertainty. Still, his feelings didn't make it easy for him to articulate an answer to what it was about Haley James that had him so enthralled. In that moment, he felt like he had just taken a stride off a very steep cliff. The odd thing was. He was more conscious of the astonishing rush than of the possible crash.

Sleep hadn't been an easy thing to accomplish in the last few weeks, but finally after thinking too much, sleep over took his body while Haley's face and voice flowed through his mind…he was finally taking the steps in letting go_…_


End file.
